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The Selfishness of Self-Abandonment

By Dr. Margaret Paul
November 19, 2018

Are you contributing to the darkness of our planet? Discover how you might inadvertently be doing this and what you can do about it.

Person sitting on their butt with their hands in their face, showing selfishness and solitude.

Imagine a pond with sparkling clear water. Imagine that someone drops a small drop of black ink into the pond. You don't see the difference with your naked eye, but the water is now slightly darker. Over time, others drop small drops of ink into the pond, and after a number of years, the water is now cloudy.

Now imagine that the pond is a room and the water is love. At the beginning the love around us is totally sparkling clear, but as each person moves out of love and into anger, judgment, hurt, anxiety, depression, or emptiness, they put a drop of darkness into the room, and soon the room feels heavy and dark instead of light.

Now imagine that it is not a room, but our planet, and that each time we move into our wounded selves – physically and emotionally abandoning ourselves and thereby creating our wounded feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, aloneness, emptiness or jealousy, we add to the darkness of the planet.


Our frequency either adds light to our world or darkness to our world.

Our choice to act out of our wounded self and abandon ourselves is not just about us - it is about everyone.

Joanie was at Kim's 50th birthday party. Kim was one of Joanie's best friends and she had worked hard to create a wonderful birthday for Kim. Joanie had not wanted to invite Gretchen, Kim's sister-in-law, but she knew that Kim would have been upset if Gretchen hadn't been invited.

One of the ceremonies that Joanie had created for Kim was for everyone to sit in a circle and share with Kim what she meant to them. As people shared their love and admiration for Kim, Gretchen started to pout. Before her turn, she abruptly got up and angrily left the house, slamming the door behind her. Everyone felt stunned. The woman who had been speaking wondered if she had said something wrong, but she was assured that Gretchen's behavior had nothing to do with her. This is just what Gretchen tended to do when she felt threatened and jealous, which she often felt toward Kim.

The energy in the room, which had felt warm and soft, now felt heavy. Gretchen had dumped her darkness on everyone. Joanie asked everyone to take some deep breaths, feel compassion for themselves, and then extend the compassion out to Gretchen. As everyone did this, the energy again lightened and the ceremony went on.

But the drop of darkness that Gretchen dumped did not stop with the room. That drop of black ink reverberated throughout the universe, as a pebble dropped into a pond sends ripples throughout the pond.


We each have the power to choose…

Choosing to act out of our wounded selves is not only harmful to our own soul - it is harmful to the universe. It is an act of selfishness to choose to add darkness to the universe rather than consistently choosing to add light.

Each of us has the power and the responsibility to do all we can to consciously and consistently add light to our universe. We can do this by deciding to take responsibility for our own feelings. If Gretchen had taken responsibility for the lies she was telling herself that led to her jealousy, she would never have acted out. She would have become conscious of the self-judgments and other forms of self-abandonment that were causing her insecurity. She would have connected with her guidance, bringing in love and truth to heal her wounded self, so that she could come to the party with love in her heart, rather than coming from fear.

The next time you want to act out of your wounded self, think about your behavior as contributing to the lowering of the frequency of our planet. Perhaps this will help you make a different, more loving choice.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."


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