Why Is Nothing Changing or Healing?By Dr. Margaret Paul
April 03, 2019
Are you an expert in Inner Bonding in your mind but not in your body? Are you convinced that being able to talk it and teach it will bring about your healing?
Len contacted me for Inner Bonding facilitation while he was going through a divorce. He had discovered Inner Bonding through a Google search and realized that what he was struggling with was self-abandonment.
Len was diligent in having sessions with me and in reading everything he could about Inner Bonding. Within a couple of months, he could spout Inner Bonding with the best of them, and had even started to help various friends and relatives with Inner Bonding. He was keenly aware of the taker role his wife had adopted in their marriage, and completely understood the caretaking role and level of self-abandonment that had been his end of their codependent system.
But Nothing Changed…
However, nothing was actually changing is his relationships with others - because all this information was in his mind, but not in his experience. He was not actually practicing Inner Bonding. He believed that if he understood it, then somehow something would change.
I explained to Len that understanding Inner Bonding is like understanding good nutrition but still eating junk food. He could understand and understand, but unless he took loving action on his own behalf, nothing would change.
Greg had a similar situation to Len. He was an expert in Inner Bonding, but discovered in a new relationship that all his old protections were still in place because he had yet to learn how to take loving care of himself. Inner Bonding was in his mind, but not in his heart and soul, so he was still unaware of his unloving behavior toward himself and his partner.
Same with Sondra. As a therapist, she could teach Inner Bonding, but in her own life she still had problems connecting with Spirit and taking loving action on her own behalf. She could talk it and teach it, but wasn't practicing it.
No Way Around It
No matter how much you read about it and talk it and teach it, Inner Bonding won’t work for you in your life if you are not actually practicing it throughout a day.
There are those of you - and you know who you are! - who make incredibly rapid progress with Inner Bonding because you practice it! There is no way around it. Like exercise, unless you actually do it, knowing everything about it does no good at all.
No matter how much you talk it and teach it, you will always feel a bit like a fraud unless you are practicing it. It has to be experiential.
I had to learn this the hard way…
Always loving to learn about new information, I was thrilled when Spirit brought Inner Bonding to Erika and me. I really got the power of it - in my head. It took me a long time before I fully accepted that I had to live it rather than think it. For a long time I believed that if only I understood it better, then things would really change!
Now I know - from experience! - that knowing something and experiencing it are two totally different things. Without experiencing the love that is Spirit, you cannot actually know it. You can think it and believe it, but you cannot know it.
For those of you who love to learn as I do, this doesn’t mean that you have to give up reading and learning. But reading and learning will not get translated into true healing in terms of no longer abandoning yourself and in experiencing that the truth and love of Spirit is always with you, without moment-by-moment consistent consciousness of being present in your body and wanting responsibility for your feelings. This is the only way to walk your talk.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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When being loving, we are not grasping, demanding, needy or clingy, because love has nothing to do with getting or taking. We give freely, to ourselves and to others. We also receive graciously when the gift is freely given. When being unloving, we may try to manipulate a gift - whether it be of time, money, attention, emotional support, approval, sex or affection - but when we are loving we know that a gift not freely given is not really a gift. Notice when you are being loving or unloving.
By Dr. Margaret Paul