Peeling the Ego Onion: Healing Layers of the Wounded SelfBy Dr. Margaret Paul
January 17, 2022
Do you sometimes feel discouraged that the more you do Inner Bonding, the more there seems to be to do?
Those of you who have been on a healing journey for a while know that healing is a process, not a destination. I often say it's like peeling an infinite onion – we keep finding more and more layers of the ego wounded self.
Don't despair because this is how it's supposed to be. This is how it is for all of us.
We have all built up layers and layers of false beliefs and strategies to control our world, as part of surviving childhood. We further “perfect” these strategies in our adult relationships until something happens that lets us know things aren't working. At some point - perhaps when you have everything you thought would make you happy and you still feel empty, alone, anxious, or depressed - you realize that something needs to change. Or perhaps you have problems finding a relationship, or problems with kids, or marital problems, or you become ill, and you realize that your life isn't going to be fulfilling if you keep doing what you are doing.
That's when you might start on a healing journey.
When people first discover Inner Bonding, they are often relieved, hopeful, and excited – which is great.
But after a while, they may feel discouraged because it seems that the more work they do, the more there is to do. They started doing Inner Bonding believing this is the answer – and it is - but not in the way they thought. They thought that if they just do this for a while, their life will permanently improve. But this is like saying that if you exercise for a while and then stop, the results will be permanent. It doesn't work this way.
Because life is continually changing and continually offering us challenges, the practice of Inner Bonding is a moment-by-moment process.
For example, you do your inner work to learn to love yourself as a single person and then you get married – and now you have a whole new set of challenges with a whole new set of false beliefs and control issues to heal. Each life change unearths new false beliefs and control issues – having kids, kids growing older, job issues, changing jobs, health issues, friendship issues, moving to a new location, and so on. The one thing we can count on is that life continually changes.
I no longer kid myself that I've healed all my false beliefs and control issues. I've accepted two important aspects of life:
There are certain issues that come up over and over, and each time they come up, I do a little more healing. We each seem to have a few key issues which trigger our wounded self. In my current life, I'm far less triggered than I used to be, but there are still remnants of my wounded self that pop up occasionally.
Spirit seems to have a way of bringing new issues into our life. Just as everything is going smoothly, something new happens that propels us into a new level of inner work, and we discover yet another layer of the infinite onion. I used to resent this but now I'm grateful for it, because this is how I can continue to learn, grow, and heal the false beliefs and control issues of my wounded self.
By accepting the journey of peeling the infinite onion of the wounded self, resistance is gone.
Now I say, "Thank you God for this incredible journey of evolving my soul in my ability to love. Thank you for all the opportunities you bring my way to heal the blocks to fully loving. Thank you for the sacred privilege of being in a body on this difficult planet so that I can continue, day-by-day, to move more and more toward Oneness with you – Oneness with the love that you are."
I hope you let go of any goals of 'getting there' and become fully enamored of the process.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal the False Beliefs of Your Wounded Self."
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What thoughts trigger your fear or anxiety? Thoughts of others' anger, rejection, withdrawal, smothering, demanding, questioning? Thoughts of work, of failure, of money, of time? The moment you notice a thought that is creating your fear, anxiety or depression, counter the thought with a brief prayer - for peace, for love, for grace, for freedom.
By Dr. Margaret Paul