Taking Your Wounded Self LightlyBy Dr. Margaret Paul
June 13, 2022
A powerful way of learning about and healing our wounded self is to be able to see our protective, controlling behavior with lightness and humor.
All of us have a dysfunctional part, a part that operates from fears and false beliefs. This part – our lower left-brain ego wounded self - was deeply programmed from the time we were born to think and behave in ways that, today, create much of our fear and pain.
The purpose of the wounded self is to attempt to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. While the wounded self might profess a belief in a higher power, it doesn't have a personal connection with a loving source of truth, strength, and wisdom, and so it often feels alone in the world. It tries to fill the inner emptiness, which results from being spiritually disconnected, with various addictions - to people, processes, things, and substances.
The basis of the wounded self is core shame - the belief that our essence is somehow defective, flawed, unlovable, unworthy, and unimportant. The wounded self does not believe that our essence is a perfect expression of the Divine. The wounded self thinks that it - the wounded ego self - is who we are.
The wounded self has learned to stay up in the head as one way of avoiding pain, disconnecting from the emotions of the body.
We cannot heal our wounded self from our wounded self.
We cannot see our own beautiful essence through the distorted eyes of our wounded self. We can heal only when we develop a loving adult self capable of seeing our true soul essence through the eyes of our higher self.
The loving adult is who we are when we are open to learning from our feelings, and with our spiritual guidance, about what is in our highest good. We are a loving adult when we are allowing the truth and love of our source to flow through us. The loving adult lives in the heart, not the head. We are a loving adult when we are in surrender to our higher guidance and allowing ourselves to be guided by truth rather than by the false beliefs of our wounded self. We are a loving adult when our deepest desire is to be loving - to ourselves and others - rather than to get love, avoid pain, and try to feel safe through various forms of controlling behavior.
We can heal the wounded self only when we have a deep intent to learn about our wounded self.
We cannot learn about and heal our fears and false beliefs when we are judging ourselves or others. When we are judging, we are acting from our wounded self. When we are compassionate toward ourselves and others, we are operating as our loving adult.
A powerful way of learning about and healing our wounded self is to be able to see our protective, controlling behavior with lightness and humor. You will discover that you make rapid progress in healing your wounded self when you can compassionately laugh at yourself rather than judge yourself for your wounded stuff. It's important to not take ourselves too seriously when we are on the healing journey. The wounded self wants to take itself very seriously because it is scared and wants us to think that it is powerful and real. Yet the wounded self is an illusion. It has no actual substance because it is based on the lie of core shame and the lie of having control over others and outcomes. Only that which is true has substance.
The wounded self wants us to believe that it has substance, so it takes itself very seriously.
But when we move into a true loving adult state and can see the wounded self through spiritual eyes - eyes of compassion and truth - we can see that the wounded self is just an illusion that we created as children to try to feel safe. It is the false self, the ego self, and it vanishes in the light of the truth of who we really are.
As you progress on your Inner Bonding healing journey, remember to lighten up regarding your wounded self. Remember to laugh with deep compassion at the controlling behavior of your wounded self. When you can feel delight at discovering another false belief, another protection, another form of control - when you can bust yourself with humor - you will find it much easier to become aware of the wounded self and move into truth. Humor is a great ally on our healing journey!
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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Since we cannot know what the next moment will bring, why not be fully in this moment? When we spend our energy in the past and future, we miss the fullness of the now. Today, focus on your present inner experience.
By Dr. Margaret Paul