How often do you find yourself feeling negative or expressing negative thoughts? Why does the wounded self keep putting out negativity, even when you might be trying so hard to stay positive and connected with truth? There is a good reason for this. The energy of our ego wounded self comes from having control over getting pleasure and avoiding pain, which it tries to do through various forms of self-abandonment - especially self-judgment. It believes that if it judges us enough, we will do what we have to do to get pleasure and avoid pain. It becomes addicted to the negativity of self-judgment as a way to control.

The wounded self gets its energy - its very life - from negativity.

Without negativity, the wounded self does not exist. At those times when you are very connected and "in the flow," the wounded self is not functioning - but it doesn't like not functioning. So it will start in with its litany of negativity and self-judgment whenever it can. At those times that you are not consciously choosing to connect with your higher self, or when an outside situation triggers old fear, it can easily move in.

For example, you awaken in the middle of the night or the early morning. You try to go back to sleep but suddenly a negative thought pops into your mind:

"Oh my God, I've made the wrong decision, and now it's too late. This is going to be a disaster."

"I've got to find a way to earn more money."

"I will start my diet in the morning."

And so on. You are off and running, filled with anxiety before you can stop yourself.

Or someone important to you is distant or unresponsive. You feel a pang of pain and then your wounded self gets going:

"I must have done something wrong again."

"He or she doesn't find me attractive anymore now that they've gotten to know me."

"I'm going to end up alone."

Or you think that your boss has been ignoring you, and it’s so easy for the wounded self to take this personally:

"They have discovered that I'm inadequate. I'm just not good enough for this job."

"I don't have enough charisma. I'm too quiet. They don't like me anymore at this company."

Once the wounded self gets going, it can go from one negative thought to another, gaining energy for itself with each new false belief. The worse you feel, the more the wounded self is in control. The wounded self feels safe when you decide that all these negative thoughts are the real truth.

The Way Out of Negativity

While we often create the negative feelings of anger, fear, anxiety, hurt, guilt, shame, depression, emptiness, and aloneness by our own thoughts and behavior, the positive feelings of love, compassion, inner peace, gratitude, and forgiveness are not generated from within our bodies. These feelings ARE spirit, and we experience them when we are open to learning with our higher self. Our intent to learn about loving ourselves is an invitation to the love and compassion that is spirit to enter our beings. Our choice to learn about loving is, therefore, the key to experiencing positive feelings.

The quickest way to move out of the negativity of the wounded self and into energizing the loving adult is to invite in compassion for the wounded self. Embracing the wounded self with deep compassion instantly moves us out of negativity and into connection. When we choose a compassionate intent to learn about the false beliefs of the wounded self, we immediately shift our energy from negative to positive. The more we do this, the more the loving adult is energized.

If, every time you feel any negative feelings, you immediately open to compassion and learning about the wounded self, you will discover that the controlling energy of the wounded self gets less and less. At some point, it doesn't have enough energy to pull you down, even in the middle of the night!

The more you learn to love yourself rather than judge yourself, the more joy you will feel in your life.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."