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Attaining Resiliency Through Loving Yourself

By Dr. Margaret Paul
August 21, 2017

Discover why some people seem to courageously manage life's challenges, while others fall apart - why some are resilient and others are not.

Woman walking on a beach, smiling and expressing happiness. Resiliency: The ability to withstand or recover quickly from painful, difficult or challenging situations.

What gives some people the strength and hardiness to be resilient, to bounce back, when others fall apart in the face of the same challenges – the ability to get knocked down and get back up over and over?

Certainly, having been lovingly parented can go a long way in creating resiliency. But what if we weren’t lovingly parented or had no role modeling for resiliency? Are we doomed to fall apart or stay down when experiencing very difficult situations?

No! We CAN learn to be resilient.

In fact, many adults who went through extremely painful, abusive childhoods learned to be resilient because they had to, in order to survive. They learned at a young age to be a loving adult for themselves by turning to a spiritual source of comfort, love and wisdom.

Today, you can learn to develop your spiritually connected loving adult to comfort, support and guide you through challenging times.

What if you knew that, no matter how bad things get, you are always being held in the light of love? What if you knew that you are always being guided in your highest good, and that if you learn to open to your guidance with a desire to love yourself, you will find your way through the most challenging of times? Things might feel easier if you knew this.

The way to know this is to practice Inner Bonding to learn how to love yourself. When your intent is to love yourself, rather than to avoid your pain with various addictions and controlling behavior, you can learn to be resilient. There is no feeling of resilience when you are abandoning yourself, because there is no loving adult. Self-abandonment will always lead you to feeling alone and afraid when challenges arise. Just as an actual child needs a loving adult to help them through difficult and painful experiences, our inner child needs us, as a spiritually connected loving adult, to be here to comfort our pain and take loving action on our own behalf.

We can’t know what loving actions to take without asking our higher guidance. Our limited minds don’t know what is in our highest good in any given moment, but our higher mind does.

Your loving adult develops over time when your intent is to be loving to yourself and you start to take loving care of yourself moment-by-moment every day. As you practice Inner Bonding throughout a day and take the loving actions accessed through Spirit, your loving adult gains the strength needed to come back with renewed determination to succeed where you might have previously failed, or to open to love again after losing a loved one.

The more connected you are to your spiritual Source of Love, the more resilient you become. As a loving adult, you become strong, optimistic and willing to learn from mistakes, failures and losses. You become willing to take the risk of getting hurt again, knowing that you can lovingly manage the hurt.

We are resilient when we know we can manage the pain of life – the heartbreak, loneliness, grief and helplessness over others and events – with the help of our Divine guidance. We are resilient when we know that we are never alone with life’s challenges.

It’s also my experience that the more I stay connected with my guidance, the more tuned in I am to the messages my guidance gives me regarding keeping myself safe. This doesn’t mean that bad things don’t ever happen – bad things do happen in my life – but it does mean that I might be warned ahead of time, as I have been time and time again. And, it means I have the resilience to get through the hard times more quickly and with less debilitating pain.

Developing your spiritually connected loving adult is the most powerful way of feeling strong and resilient in the face of whatever life brings us.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.

Photo by Serge


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Noticing the beauty around you - the beauty of a flower, a tree, a plant, a child, a pet, a loved one - will bring you into the present moment. It is in this present moment that you can experience the beauty that you are and the love and truth of your Source that is always present.


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Noticing the beauty around you - the beauty of a flower, a tree, a plant, a child, a pet, a loved one - will bring you into the present moment. It is in this present moment that you can experience the beauty that you are and the love and truth of your Source that is always present.



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