False Beliefs That Stop Your Loving ActionsBy Dr. Margaret Paul
April 29, 2019
Discover what might be stopping you from taking the loving action on your own behalf - Step 5 of Inner Bonding.
"Action is the gas in the tank. Without it, the car will not run."
--Marcy Blochowiak, Author of No Glass Ceiling
Step 5 of Inner Bonding is taking loving action. Now, be honest with yourself - how often do you know what the loving action is but you don't take it? How often to you hear your guidance and ignore it? How often to you allow fear to get in the way of taking the loving action on your own behalf and on behalf of others?
It's great to do Steps 1-4 of Inner Bonding, but without the loving action, these steps lead to nothing. No progress will be made without loving action. You can pray, meditate, visualize, do affirmations, write lists, read books, believe in the Law of Attraction, and do Steps 1-4 of Inner Bonding, but without the loving action, nothing will change. The car truly cannot run without gas, and, as Marcy Blochowiak states, "Action is the gas in the tank."
What’s Stopping You?
What fears and beliefs are programmed into your wounded self that stop you from taking the loving action?
Are these some of the things you say to yourself?
- What if I'm not hearing my guidance correctly?
- What if I make a mistake - that it's not the right action to take?
- What if I really go for it and I fail?
- I don’t deserve to be loving to myself.
- What will people think?
- What if others get their feelings hurt or get mad at me for the actions I take?
- What if I end up alone?
- Who do you think you are? You have no right to take care of yourself. A good person puts others first.
- Putting yourself out there is dangerous - better to keep the status quo.
- I will be too vulnerable.
...and on and on goes the wounded self.
In order to take loving action, it has to become more important to you to be all you came here to be - to fully manifest your gifts, talents, and ability to love - than to maintain your illusion of safety. The wounded self will always tell you that it is not safe to:
- Trust your feelings - your inner guidance
- Trust your spiritual guidance
- Go against tradition
- Take loving care of yourself
- Make mistakes or fail
- Put yourself out there
You wounded self might tell you:
- You are selfish if you do what you want to do rather than what others want you to do
- It is not okay to fail. If you fail, you are a failure.
- It is not okay to make mistakes. Everyone will know that you are stupid if you make mistakes.
How Are You Defining Your Worth?
One of the wonderful things that I love about the book "Mindset" by Dr. Carol Dweek, is how she shows the vast difference in defining yourself by outcomes or defining yourself by effort. Over and over, it is the people who are devoted to putting forth their fullest effort who receive deep joy and satisfaction from what they do. Those who are devoted to controlling outcomes and trying to be safe are often unhappy people, even if they do succeed. Children who learn to connect their worth to how smart they are, are often afraid to put forth effort, while those who are encouraged to make effort and let go of outcomes, are often the most successful, creative, and joyful adults.
You will take the loving action when making effort is more important to you than outcomes, and when you make it okay to fail without failure defining your worth or intelligence.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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Many people seem to feel entitled to get what they want at the expense of others. People with an entitlement issue often attract those with a caretaking issue. The person with the entitlement issue believes he or she deserves to take from others, while the caretaker believes he or she deserves to be taken from. Neither are taking loving care of themselves.
By Dr. Margaret Paul