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Making It Okay for Our Inner Child to Shatter

By Phyllis Stein, Ph.D.
April 09, 2009

All of us have experienced the pain of heartbreak and betrayal, many times starting when we were tiny babies. What does it take to heal this pain?

Inner bonding is an exciting process for identifying and healing false beliefs that inform the sometimes subtle judgments that we put on ourselves.  The judgments are so automatic, so normal that they can fly under the radar for a long time.  I just met a huge one.

I was in meditation and at first I was connected with the energy of love and was feeling great joy, then suddenly I had a different image of my little girl.  She lay shattered, her heart completely broken in bits.  I could not figure out what to do about her, what she needed, clearly something, but what?  "Thanks for sharing" certainly wasn't it!  I tried to come into the scene as my loving adult self, but it was not working.

Suddenly, I decided to ask God how he saw my shattered little girl.   I clearly got that he loved her completely.  Instantly, I saw an old, old false belief.   "If I shatter, if I fall apart because of the pain, I am not lovable and I will be alone."  Of course, that is how it happened to me and to so many others.  When I was little and in great pain, when I fell apart, they did not love me, they got mad.  No wonder I had come to that belief!

So, without knowing it, I had a judgment on my little girl.  "If you shatter, then God does not love you, no one will help you."  This belief made it impossible to truly comfort my little girl because I was in judgment of her.  As I saw the truth, I saw my the pieces of my little girl reassemble themselves in the arms of God, receiving comfort, solace and healing.  She had believed that to be broken-hearted meant that she had to be alone. Now she had a different choice.  It is really okay to shatter because God is there to help.  It is really possible to be completely loved when she is in great pain.  Most important, it is possible to be comforted, to have a safe place to go. Wow! 

After I wrote the paragraphs above, I sat down to do an Inner Bonding process with my little girl.  Immediately, there were intense sobs and pain in my heart.  My little girl was telling me about the pain I had caused her, but I did not quite have the picture.  I was reminded of a time my heart did break, when I finally connected with God's love and was able to bring it to my husband and immediately discovered that, despite years of wanting this from me, he now wanted to be with another woman and my love was no longer enough.  At that time, I sobbed and screamed and even took it down to the second step of Inner Bonding, knowing that this pain was triggering the pain of my love not being received when I was born.  I never took it to the third step of finding out what I was doing. 

Our protections always create the very pain we believe we are avoiding.  What I was finally able to see was that my little girl was still alone with this pain.  That this old, old false belief had kept me from being able to connect with spirit and bring her comfort and healing.  So even though I was aware of her pain, I truly did not know what to do and that abandonment, that not being able to really help her heal, was breaking her heart.  What a relief to finally be able to help my precious child!



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