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The Power of Transcendence

By Michael Barmak
May 23, 2009

We all have the ability to move beyond our wounded feelings. Learn how you can connect to your inner strength and take loving actions even when you are feeling difficult emotions.

Recently I've noticed that during my sessions with clients, my Guidance has been using the word 'transcend' a lot.  Now this isn't a term that I typically use with my clients or use to describe my own healing process.  Yet no matter what issue(s) my clients are working on, I find myself mirroring their challenge:  to transcend a belief, feeling or situation.  In layman's terms, to be the 'bigger' person; to do the right thing.  In Inner Bonding terms, to choose to act as a loving adult and not give up control to the wounded self.

John was injured on the job several years ago.  Since his accident, John has had several operations and is in constant physical pain.  With only a small monthly check from workman's compensation and no medical insurance, John is having difficulty paying his bills and supporting his family.  Knowing that his benefits are time limited, John is doing everything he can to find another source of income.  John worries obsessively, fearing 'what if' his appeal for benefits is denied.  His fear paralyzes him.  John isolates, is angry and doesn't feel like a 'man.'

Carrie, another client of mine, is angry with her partner and wants to blame him for everything that is wrong in their relationship.  He isn't affectionate any more.  He takes everything personally.  He isn't open.  She uses his behavior to justify her shutting down.  She has stopped giving because, "What's the use?"   She asks.  "I just get slammed!"

Both John and Carrie have the same challenge:  to transcend their pain and move into self-love.  John's physical pain is real.  He's not exaggerating his dire financial straits either.  Yet his fear-based behavior is only adding to his already difficult situation.  Carrie's pain is emotional.  She wishes she had a partner who was easier.  However, the reality is her partner has his own issues which have nothing to do with her.  By choosing to continue 'punishing' her partner by withholding in their relationship, she is depriving herself of feeling joyful.

John and Carrie are at different stages of learning and integrating the Six Steps of Inner Bonding.  John is just beginning to understand the concepts of Loving Adult, Core Child and Wounded Child whereas Carrie has been practicing the process for several years.  Both have declared their intention to learn how to be loving adults yet John and Carrie still find themselves controlled by the wounded self;  John more often Carrie.  As a result they continue to react from fear rather than respond from love.  I wondered what else I could offer that would help John and Carrie immediately make a change in behavior.  Something each one could practice while still learning how to shift from judgment and control to acceptance and compassion.  That's when my Guidance started talking about transcendence. 

First I asked John to describe the characteristics, values and behaviors he wished to embody that would allow him to live more joyfully.  Once he was able to identify his idealized self, John reflected on the gap between his present behavior and the person he would like to become.

Then I mentioned the idea of transcendence.  While he was in the process of building a stronger loving adult could he choose to act in a way that was more in alignment with his higher self, i.e. the person he wanted to be, while still having the strong feelings and beliefs of his wounded self?  Could he become 'bigger' than his wounded self and find a largeness and fullness that existed outside of his fear?  Could he act lovingly despite having feelings to the contrary?  Could he transcend his pain?  I asked Carrie similar questions. 

When I used the word 'transcend' something shifted for both John and Carrie.  It was as if the word 'transcend' had a mystical power unto itself.  The concept seemed to invoke a sense of spiritual strength that both weren't consciously aware they had at their disposal.  A way to summon the wisdom and power that would allow them to walk in the footsteps of Spirit while carrying the pain of their wounded child.

John felt a renewed hope that he didn't have to be victimized by his fear.  The truth was that he didn't know what was going to happen in respect to his finances.  He did know that he needed to take better care of himself not only for his own well-being but also for his family's.  He imagined that he could access the courage and physical strength he had been using to stay 'on top' of his physical pain to also help him transcend his wounded feelings.  

Carrie felt that by couching her mission in terms of 'transcending' her present level of woundedness, she was acknowledging her untapped inner strength.  She was revealing her power.  She could be the person she had envisioned she wanted to be even if she hadn't become that person yet.  She didn't have to wait for her partner to change or for her feelings to fully shift.

We all have this power.  Being innately spiritual beings we all have the ability to transcend our immediate experience.  To be loving even while we feel our wounded feelings.  To do the 'right' thing and act in our highest good even though our wounded self isn't being very cooperative!

The next time you are faced with a belief, behavior or feeling that you know is not loving or a situation that you do not have control over, I encourage you to remind yourself that you have the power to transcend your experience.  Ask your Guidance for help in connecting to your innate power to be the person you want to be rather than staying stuck in the person you have learned to be.  Think 'transcend' and you may be surprised how quickly your heart, soul and actions will follow. 

Now that's loving.

© 2009 by Michael Barmak


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