Do You Define Your Worth by Your Doing or Your Being?By Dr. Margaret Paul
October 15, 2018
Are you constantly worried about your performance? Do you define yourself by your performance? There really is another way to live!
What motivates you to do what you do? Are you doing to DEFINE your being, or to EXPRESS your being?
Doing as a DEFINITION of Your Being
- How often have you told yourself that you need to perform well, such as get a good grade on a test or get someone's approval for a job well done?
- How often do you define your self-worth by your performance?
- How often is the outcome of an endeavor more important to you than the process itself?
- Is your motivation to perform well coming from an inner sense of insecurity?
- Do your good feelings about a job well done come from the effort itself and an inner sense of accomplishment, or from approval that you receive?
The ego wounded self always attempts to define itself externally, and is always concerned with failure. To the wounded self, failure at a task or activity means that you are a failure, which certainly takes all the joy out of doing. Failure is a concept attached to outcomes, not to process.
When what you do is a way to get approval, it is difficult to be self-motivated. Since your sense of competence does not come from the doing itself, but from the external approval of your doing, you never experience a deep sense of competence. You always have to keep proving yourself, over and over, to keep receiving the approval.
This is not a fun way to live!
Doing as an EXPRESSION of Your Being
When you have practiced Inner Bonding long enough to define your essence and experience a deep sense of the incredible wonderfulness of your essence, then your doing can be an expression of your being - of who you truly are. When you already know yourself to be worthy, you can let go of outcomes and allow the process to joyfully unfold. Then there is no such thing as failure, because you cannot fail when you are doing things for the joy of it rather than doing them for approval.
When you know who you are as a magnificent and unique expression of Spirit, then you joyfully express yourself, experiencing natural competence as an expression of your passion and purpose. You allow the creativity that comes through you from Spirit to be expressed in your doing, trusting yourself that you are being led to where you need to go.
There is no Resistance and Creativity Flows
Since you are not defining yourself according to the results of your doing, resistance doesn’t stop you from taking risks. In fact, the opposite if true - you can't wait to do what you love doing, joyfully expressing the essence of your being. Like a child totally engaged in the process of finger painting and having no idea of what he or she wants the painting to end up looking like, you are totally engaged in the process of creation and expression, and unconcerned with the outcome.
When you value the process, you are naturally open to learning, and any mistakes you may make can be experienced as learning opportunities, rather than failures.
In order for your doing to be an expression of your being, you first need to experience the incredible value of your being. This occurs as you learn to see who you really are through the eyes of your guidance, and as you learn to take loving care of your beautiful essence. When you truly know that self-care is a sacred privilege rather than a burden, and you joyfully accept the privilege of loving yourself, you will find that you have incredible energy to do what you want or need to do.
Truly, this is a much more fun way to live!
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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Information about you from another's wounded self is always about control rather than about love. It is not helpful to you, even if it is accurate. It is loving to you to let others know that you do not want information about yourself unless you ask for it. Ask for it only from people who have your highest good at heart, not from people who have an agenda for you. Ask for it from people who have a strong loving adult.
By Dr. Margaret Paul