Are you stuck in your life? Stuck regarding work, or relationships, or health or weight? Do you make resolutions to change, but can't seem to take the steps? This is what Allison is dealing with.

"I've been struggling with motivation and depression and haven't worked in 4 years. My feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and shame have snowballed to the point that I am in constant judgment of myself. I know I need to accept where I am to get unstuck but I can't find self-compassion and I keep feeling like something is wrong with me. Everyday that I don't look for work I feel like more and more of a failure, yet I am paralyzed by feelings of low self-esteem. How can I love myself when I don't like who I am or where I am in life?"

There are generally two major reasons for being stuck.

1. Unresolved trauma

If you had trauma in your life – childhood abuse, traumatic losses, or traumatic events – you might be stuck due to the freeze response that is a common reaction to extreme helplessness. When we cannot fight or flee during a traumatic situation, then our bodies go into a natural freeze response, and we can get stuck there.

So, if you have a history of trauma, or even if you don't remember trauma but you are very stuck and can't seem to move forward, then you may benefit from some form of trauma therapy – body-centered therapies that actually release the trauma that is stuck in the body. Four trauma therapies that seem to have great success are EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), TRE (Trauma Release Exercises), SE (Somatic Experiencing), and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprograming). I have personally used EFT very successfully and I've heard about wonderful successes with the other three.

2. Fear of Failure

The wounded self in all of us is programmed to believe that we are not good enough. Self-judgment from the wounded self is a form of control, to protect ourselves from failure. When you believe that failure defines you as inadequate, then risking it becomes unthinkable. The wounded self might prefer the feeling of failure that comes from not looking for a job, over the risk of finding a job and failing at it.

Allison states, "I keep feeling like something is wrong with me." Most of us decided this as small children, when we didn't receive the love we needed. This judgment that there is something wrong with you is a very common judgment from the wounded self. However, it is simply not true that there is something wrong with your essence. Your essence has always been a beautiful, incredible spark of the Divine, but when you didn't receive love and valuing as a child, you decided you weren't good enough.

Allison states, "Everyday that I don't look for work I feel like more and more of a failure, yet I am paralyzed by feelings of low self-esteem. How can I love myself when I don't like who I am or where I am in life?"

Allison, the part of you who doesn't love yourself is your wounded self. When you let go of trying to have control over looking for work by shaming and judging yourself, and instead open to learning about loving yourself and allowing spirit to take loving action through you, you will get unstuck. If it is not trauma that is keeping you stuck, then it is your intent to control that is keeping you stuck. When you shift your intent to learning to love yourself you will start to take the loving actions necessary to find work. You will never be able to do this from your wounded self, with your intent to control, but you can do it as a spiritually connected loving adult. It is spirit that gives us the courage and strength to take the loving actions we need to take.

If you cannot to do this yourself, then please reach out for help. You don’t need to be alone in your healing process.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

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