Between Wounds and HealingBy Dr. Margaret Paul
April 17, 2023
Healing is not about "getting there." It's about being in the ongoing process of evolving in love.
When Spirit first presented Inner Bonding to Erika and me, I was pretty much blown away by the extraordinary power and simplicity of the process. At that time I believed, "All I have to do is devote myself to this practice and I will ‘get there’." Getting there meant being healed once and for all.
I've since discovered how wrong I was. Healing is an ongoing, evolutionary process - like becoming a great artist or musician. Artists do not think in terms of finding their style and then staying there for the rest of their lives. They grow into their style and then they spend the rest of their lives evolving their art. They may think in terms of getting there regarding fame and fortune, but not in terms of the evolution of their art.
Healing is like this. So is learning the Inner Bonding process. I've been practicing this process for many years and I'm still learning about it, still moving more and more into the power of spiritual connection, still letting go of subtle levels of control, still discovering limiting beliefs, still learning about the subtleties of intention, still evolving my soul. I don't see an end to the process - ever. I believe this is what life is about - evolving in love. And love is not a limited thing with limited definitions. It is an infinitely evolving source energy that evolves as we each evolve.
If you think you have to "get there" regarding emotional and spiritual health and healing, then you will likely be impatient with the process.
You will think you are not doing it right or not progressing fast enough. You will think there is something wrong with you regarding your ability to connect with your source of love and wisdom. Many people have an unrealistic concept of what it is like to connect with spirit. They think if they are not hearing a clear voice they are not connecting. It takes time, practice, and patience to experience the love and wisdom of your spiritual guidance.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to let go of your concepts and beliefs regarding how fast you should be healing and how spiritually connected you should be, and just be present in the process. It's like being in the process of learning to be a good parent with an actual child, rather than expecting yourself to be a perfect parent as soon as your first child is born. Letting go of performance and perfectionism will allow you to just be in the process of learning to be a good parent with yourself. And, just as we don't expect our children to grow up in a year, don't expect your wounded self to heal in a year. Your job is to learn to relax into the Inner Bonding process, to slowly make it a conscious and natural part of your life, just as you slowly make parenting a child a conscious and natural part of your life.
The most important thing to keep in mind as you learn and practice the evolving process of Inner Bonding is the consciousness of your intent.
I can't stress enough that consciousness of intent is the key to continued growth and healing. If you think you are open when you are really trying to control something, you will not progress in your healing process and will get discouraged. The wounded self is very tricky regarding intent. I often have the experience with my clients of them telling me that they can't connect with their guidance, can't find the loving action, and therefore can't take loving care of themselves. "I don't know how!" they complain. Other than times of illness when your frequency may be too low to connect with your guidance, it's generally because your frequency is too low, due to the intent to control rather than learn about loving yourself. Frequency can also be affected by junk food and other addictive substances. The wounded self wants control over getting love, avoiding rejection, avoiding engulfment, avoiding failure, avoiding hurt. The wounded self may even want to know what is “loving” - only to try to control the outcome of things!
The process of healing is becoming aware of these levels of control so we have the choice to move into love for the sake of love, rather than for the sake of control. Practicing Inner Bonding daily will slowly move you into this consciousness. If you stop practicing because you can't connect with your guidance, you will never get there. If you keep exploring your intent, both alone and with help from a mate, friend, or therapist, you will keep evolving.
Don't give up. Stay with the process and you will find yourself in more and more peace and joy. There may be big bumps along the way, but that's life. Don't let the bumps derail you from the sacred privilege of evolving in love.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
Send this article to a friend Print this article Bookmarked 0 time(s)
|The Shape of Healing is a Spiral not a Line|
|The Best Gift You Can Give Your Inner Child|
|Inner Bonding: Supporting the Healing Process|
|Inner Bonding as a Practice|
Join the Inner Bonding Community to add your comment to articles and see the comments of others...
What is your first reaction when someone is harsh, critical, sarcastic, angry, judgmental, attacking? Do you attack back? Do you withdraw and get silent? Do you defend and explain? Today, honor the feeling in your body that says "This doesn't feel good" and either speak your truth without blame, defense or judgment and open to learning, or lovingly disengage and compassionately take care of your feelings.
By Dr. Margaret Paul