The 6 Steps
The 6 Steps of Inner Bonding
Practicing the Six Steps of Inner Bonding leads you along the spiritual path of healing the shame and self-abandonment of the ego/wounded self, and creates a profound connection with your personal source of spiritual guidance.
The energy that was drained by disconnection and fear now returns to you, allowing you to live life more fully, experience a fulfilling relationship with yourself and others, and learn to manage the challenges of life in a healthy and sustainable manner.
A brief overview of the Six Steps:
Step 1: Willingness to Feel Pain and Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
In Step 1, you move into the present moment and focus within, tuning into your feelings and emotions. You make the choice to be mindful of all your feelings, including your painful feelings, rather than protect against them with substance and process addictions. You make a conscious decision that you WANT to take responsibility for your feelings, which means that you want responsibility for learning how you are causing your own anxiety, depression, anger, guilt and shame with your own thoughts and actions, and that you want responsibility for learning how to nurture the painful feelings of life - the loneliness, heartbreak and grief that are so challenging.
This begins the process of opening you up to receive the positive energy that enlivens and sustains you.
Step 2: Move into the Intent to Learn
In Step 2, you focus in your heart and invite the compassionate presence of your higher self into your heart.
Now you're ready to focus on "intent" - your deepest desire, your primary motivation. There are only two possible intents you can have in any given moment:
- The intent to protect yourself from pain
- The intent to learn about loving yourself
When you are in the intent to learn you are a loving Adult. When you are in the intent to protect and avoid, you are operating from your shame-based ego wounded self.
This commitment to your intention to learn fully opens you up and allows you to connect with your feelings and your higher self.
Step 3: Dialogue with Your Wounded self and Core Self
With kindness, gentleness and compassion toward yourself, you discover the thoughts/false beliefs from your wounded self that may be causing your shame, fear and pain, and you learn how to release anger and pain in appropriate ways. You uncover false beliefs that were created in the past and have led to the self-abandonment that is causing your current pain and shame. You explore what may be happening with a person or event that is causing the core painful feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, helplessness, or grief. You explore your core Self - your essence, your inner child, which is your feeling self - and discover what brings you joy.
Only when the unconscious false beliefs that have limited you for so long are understood and identified, can they be replaced by new and healthier truths that will nurture and heal you.
In Step 3, you ask yourself questions, such as, "What am I trying to control?" "What am I avoiding feeling with my protective, controlling behavior?"
Step 4: Dialogue with Your Higher Guidance
In Step 4, you ask your spiritual guidance (whatever that is for you): "What is the truth about the thoughts/false beliefs I may have uncovered in Step 3?" And, "What is the loving behavior toward my Inner Child in this situation? What is in my highest good? What is kind to myself?" You open and allow the answers to come through you in words, pictures or feelings. The answers may not come immediately, but if you have a sincere desire to learn, they will come.
By staying open to learning, you experience that you are never alone. This is where fears fall away and you begin to receive all the love and wisdom you need to take loving action for yourself and with others.
Step 5: Take Loving Action
Step 5 is about telling yourself the truth and taking the loving action based on the information that came through from your guidance in Step 4.
You have opened to your pain, moved into learning, started a dialogue with your wounded self and core self, and tapped into your spiritual guidance. In step 5 you take the ‘loving action' that, over time, heals the shame, anxiety and depression that have been the result of your self-abandonment.
Step 6: Evaluate Your Action
Once you take the loving action, you check in to see if your pain, anger and shame are getting healed. If not, you go back through the steps until you discover the truth and actions that bring you peace, joy, and a deep sense of intrinsic worth.
Turning this daily practice into a way of life is what will protect you from going back into the behaviors and patterns from the past. Much like attending to - say - a child's feelings, you learn to keep a loving relationship with yourself throughout your life, no matter the challenges that come at you. This loving relationship with yourself and your guidance fills you and empowers you to handle life's challenges with strength and equanimity.
Daily InspirationSeek to be with like-minded people. Your own growth is supported by being with others who are striving to become whole and loving. Love yourself enough to not force yourself to be around closed hearted people, even if they are family or friends. By Dr. Margaret Paul
"I now have some tools to look into the places within myself that always used to feel unsafe. Margaret is a giant of the heart. I have now seen someone model what it is to be committed to healing and growth.
"This was wonderful. The workshop has definitely helped to establish a deeper bond with my inner child, and given me a path to help and listen to him. It's also been helpful in integrating my connection to Spirit and my relationship to how to let Spirit flow through me and nourish me. Thank you! Rowe, MA Workshop, April 2000
"The process is simple and natural, gentle yet strong. It recharged my essence with energy of joy and peace as it brought me back to inner balance. Margaret was very warm, considerate and professional."
'I wanted to attend this workshop, no obstacle would have prevented me from attending. At the workshop I was able to immerse myself in the process, previously, I only read the instructions on your website. I specifically liked learning about all of the ways that we deny ownership & responsibility for our Inner Child, and all of the ways we can integrate this Inner Child into our lives. I did benefit in understanding dynamics of relationships much better, and in understanding false belief systems and how they sabotage our happiness. I would recommend the Workshop because it is excellent for achieving awareness of how to evolve into a better person. I am grateful for this experience. It has opened up my understanding of my life.' Los Angeles Weekend Workshop, 3.11
"The various aspects of the course combined with our day-to-day living make the 30 days tremendously impactful. The combination of the forum, where we learn so much from each others’ questions and from your expert, wise, compassionate and experienced answers, the daily emails full of wisdom, your video clips and visualisations In which you encourage our ongoing learning and practice with so much love, the coaching calls with you that give us the chance to have live audio interaction with you while giving us real time examples of inner bonding, and lastly, doing our best to practice inner bonding daily all create such an impactful teaching team. These teachings mix with our day to day lives. Daily we can experiment and test what we are learning in the course in our real world living. Now, after the course, I see that I am taking better care of myself, also when I am with others. I also take more responsibility for the different aspects of my life. Thank you so much!!!! I cannot recommend the course highly enough!"
'Eye-opening - incredibly insightful. I finally feel like I have taken responsibility for loving myself by committing to this weekend. I truly did not realize how much worth I put on external factors to define my worth.' Kripalu Workshop, 9.12