Addictions and Addictive Behavior

The Resource that you have requested is reserved for paid Supporting Members only.

We want you! In our discussions, chat, advice column, learning center, Creative Expression and Comfort Corner! Won't you please join?

You may subscribe using the form below, or click here for a full description of the benefits of membership.

Registration/Subscription - Step 1 of 2

Already Registered?	If you have a user Name and Password in the Inner Bonding system please click here. You may only register your email address with one User Name.
Registration Type	Yes, I want to join as a paid Supporting Member - $14.95/month. Choose this option to bypass the Free 7 Days or if you prefer to pay by check or over the phone. 7 Free Days - Please register me for a 7 day evaluation membership. At the end of 7 days, my credit card will be charged 14.95/month. If I cancel my membership in under 7 days, do not charge my card. No Thank You - Please register me as a free user.
First Name
Last Name
E-Mail
For privacy we suggest you choose a Username that is not your full name or email.
Username (max 16 char)
Password
Confirm Password
	1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS Welcome to Inner Bonding (IB). IB provides its service to you, subject to the following Terms of Service ("TOS"), which may be updated by us from time to time without notice to you. In addition, when using particular IB services, you and IB shall be subject to any posted guidelines or rules applicable to such services which may be posted from time to time. All such guidelines or rules are hereby incorporated by reference into the TOS. If you are a facilitator on IB, please note that IB provides a different Terms of Service for you. IB also may offer other services from time to time, such as IB Public Store and SelfQuest that are governed by different Terms of Services. These TOS do not apply to facilitators, IB Public Store or SelfQuest or such other services. 2. DESCRIPTION OF SERVICE IB currently provides users with access to a rich collection of resources, including, various communications tools, forums, shopping services, personalized content and branded programming through its network of properties (the "Service"). You also understand and agree that the service may include certain communications from IB, such as service announcements, administrative messages and the Inner Bonding Journal, and that these communications are considered part of IB membership. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any new features that augment or enhance the current Service, including the release of new IB properties, shall be subject to the TOS. You understand and agree that the Service is provided "AS-IS" and that IB assumes no responsibility for the timeliness, deletion, mis-delivery or failure to store any user communications or personalization settings. You are responsible for obtaining access to the Service and that access may involve third party fees (such as Internet service provider or airtime charges). You are responsible for those fees. In addition, you must provide and are responsible for all equipment necessary to access the Service. 3. YOUR REGISTRATION OBLIGATIONS In consideration of your use of the Service, you agree to: (a) provide true, accurate, current and complete information about yourself as prompted by the Service's registration form (such information being the "Registration Data") and (b) maintain and promptly update the Registration Data to keep it true, accurate, current and complete. If you provide any information that is untrue, inaccurate, not current or incomplete, or IB has reasonable grounds to suspect that such information is untrue, inaccurate, not current or incomplete, IB has the right to suspend or terminate your account and refuse any and all current or future use of the Service (or any portion thereof). IB is concerned about the safety and privacy of all its users, particularly children. For this reason, parents of children under the age of 13 who wish to allow their children access to the Service must create a IB Account for their child. When you create a IB Account for your child, you certify that you are at least 18 years old and that you are the legal guardian of the child listed on the IB Account. By giving a child an IB Account, you also give your child permission to access all of the Services including, email, message boards, personals, instant messages and chat (among others). Please remember that the Service is designed to appeal to a broad audience. Accordingly, as the legal guardian, it is your responsibility to determine whether any of the Services and/or Content (as defined in Section 6 below) are appropriate for your child. 4. IB PRIVACY POLICY Registration Data and certain other information about you is subject to our Privacy Policy. 5. MEMBER ACCOUNT, PASSWORD AND SECURITY You will receive a password and account designation upon completing the Service's registration process. You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of the password and account, and are fully responsible for all activities that occur under your password or account. You agree to (a) immediately notify IB of any unauthorized use of your password or account or any other breach of security, and (b) ensure that you exit from your account at the end of each session. IB cannot and will not be liable for any loss or damage arising from your failure to comply with this Section 5. 6. MEMBER CONDUCT You understand that all information, data, text, software, music, sound, photographs, graphics, video, messages or other materials ("Content"), whether publicly posted or privately transmitted, are the sole responsibility of the person from which such Content originated. This means that you, and not IB, are entirely responsible for all Content that you upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available via the Service. IB does not control the Content posted via the Service and, as such, does not guarantee the accuracy, integrity or quality of such Content. You understand that by using the Service, you may be exposed to Content that is offensive, indecent or objectionable. Under no circumstances will IB be liable in any way for any Content, including, but not limited to, for any errors or omissions in any Content, or for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of any Content posted, emailed, transmitted or otherwise made available via the Service. You agree to not use the Service to: a. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable; b. harm minors in any way; c. impersonate any person or entity, including, but not limited to, a IB official, forum leader, guide or host, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation with a person or entity; d. forge headers or otherwise manipulate identifiers in order to disguise the origin of any Content transmitted through the Service; e. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that you do not have a right to make available under any law or under contractual or fiduciary relationships (such as inside information, proprietary and confidential information learned or disclosed as part of employment relationships or under nondisclosure agreements); f. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that infringes any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright or other proprietary rights ("Rights") of any party; g. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any unsolicited or unauthorized advertising, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain letters," "pyramid schemes," or any other form of solicitation, except in those areas (such as designated chat rooms, message boards) that are designated for such purpose; h. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any material that contains software viruses or any other computer code, files or programs designed to interrupt, destroy or limit the functionality of any computer software or hardware or telecommunications equipment; i. disrupt the normal flow of dialogue, cause a screen to "scroll" faster than other users of the Service are able to type, or otherwise act in a manner that negatively affects other users' ability to engage in real time exchanges; j. interfere with or disrupt the Service or servers or networks connected to the Service, or disobey any requirements, procedures, policies or regulations of networks connected to the Service; k. intentionally or unintentionally violate any applicable local, state, national or international law, including, but not limited to, regulations promulgated by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, any rules of any national or other securities exchange, including, without limitation, the New York Stock Exchange, the American Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ, and any regulations having the force of law; l. "stalk" or otherwise harass another; or m. collect or store personal data about other users. You acknowledge that IB does not pre-screen Content, but that IB and its designees shall have the right (but not the obligation) in their sole discretion to refuse or move any Content that is available via the Service. Without limiting the foregoing, IB and its designees shall have the right to remove any Content that violates the TOS or is otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of any Content, including any reliance on the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of such Content. In this regard, you acknowledge that you may not rely on any Content created by IB or submitted to IB, including without limitation information in IB Message Boards, IB Chat Rooms, and in all other parts of the Service. You acknowledge and agree that IB may preserve Content and may also disclose Content if required to do so by law or in the good faith belief that such preservation or disclosure is reasonably necessary to: (a) comply with legal process; (b) enforce the TOS; (c) respond to claims that any Content violates the rights of third-parties; or (d) protect the rights, property, or personal safety of IB, its users and the public. You understand that the technical processing and transmission of the Service, including your Content, may involve (a) transmissions over various networks; and (b) changes to conform and adapt to technical requirements of connecting networks or devices. 7. SPECIAL ADMONITIONS FOR INTERNATIONAL USE Recognizing the global nature of the Internet, you agree to comply with all local rules regarding online conduct and acceptable Content. Specifically, you agree to comply with all applicable laws regarding the transmission of technical data exported from the United States or the country in which you reside. 8. CONTENT SUBMITTED OR MADE AVAILABLE FOR INCLUSION ON THE SERVICE IB does not claim ownership of Content you submit or make available for inclusion on the Service. However, with respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, you grant IB the following world-wide, royalty free and non-exclusive license(s), as applicable: * With respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of IB, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purposes of providing and promoting the specific IB to which such Content was submitted or made available. * With respect to photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible area of the Service, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purpose for which such Content was submitted or made available. This license exists only for as long as you elect to continue to include such Content on the Service and will terminate at the time you remove or IB removes such Content from the Service. * With respect to Content other than photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, the perpetual, irrevocable and fully sublicensable license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, publicly perform and publicly display such Content (in whole or in part) and to incorporate such Content into other works in any format or medium now known or later developed. "Publicly accessible" areas of the Service are those areas of the IB network of properties that are intended by IB to be available to the general public. By way of example, publicly accessible areas of the Service would include IB Message Boards and portions of IB Chat Rooms and IB Free Questions and Answers that are open to both members and visitors. However, publicly accessible areas of the Service would not include portions of IB Private Question and Answers and IB Private Chat Sessions that are limited to members, IB services intended for private communication such as IB MailCenter or IB Private Chat Room, or areas off of the IB network of properties such as portions of World Wide Web sites that are accessible through IB but are not hosted or served by IB. 9. INDEMNITY You agree to indemnify and hold IB, and its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, agents, co-branders or other partners, and employees, harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys' fees, made by any third party due to or arising out of Content you submit, post, transmit or make available through the Service, your use of the Service, your connection to the Service, your violation of the TOS, or your violation of any rights of another. You agree that IB is not liable for, nor is Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc., Dr. Margaret Paul, or Dr. Erka Chopich liable for any alleged damage resulting from help in the Chat Room or from the Advice - Q&A. 10. NO RESALE OF SERVICE You agree not to reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell or exploit for any commercial purposes, any portion of the Service, use of the Service, or access to the Service. 11. GENERAL PRACTICES REGARDING USE AND STORAGE You acknowledge that IB may establish general practices and limits concerning use of the Service, including without limitation the maximum number of days that email messages, message board postings or other uploaded Content will be retained by the Service, the maximum number of email messages that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum size of any email message that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum disk space that will be allotted on IB's servers on your behalf, and the maximum number of times (and the maximum duration for which) you may access the Service in a given period of time. You agree that IB has no responsibility or liability for the deletion or failure to store any messages and other communications or other Content maintained or transmitted by the Service. You acknowledge that IB reserves the right to log off accounts that are inactive for an extended period of time. You further acknowledge that IB reserves the right to change these general practices and limits at any time, in its sole discretion, with or without notice. 12. MODIFICATIONS TO SERVICE IB IB reserves the right at any time and from time to time to modify or discontinue, temporarily or permanently, the Service (or any part thereof) with or without notice. You agree that IB shall not be liable to you or to any third party for any modification, suspension or discontinuance of the Service. 13. TERMINATION You agree that IB, in its sole discretion, may terminate your password, account (or any part thereof) or use of the Service, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, for lack of use or if IB believes that you have violated or acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the TOS. IB may also in its sole discretion and at any time discontinue providing the Service, or any part thereof, with or without notice. You agree that any termination of your access to the Service under any provision of this TOS may be effected without prior notice, and acknowledge and agree that IB may immediately deactivate or delete your account and all related information and files in your account and/or bar any further access to such files or the Service. Further, you agree that IB shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Service. 14. DEALINGS WITH FACILITATORS Your correspondence or business dealings with, or participation in activities of, facilitators found on or through the Service, including payment and delivery of related goods or services, and any other terms, conditions, warranties or representations associated with such dealings, are solely between you and such facilitator. You agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable for any loss or damage of any sort incurred as the result of any such dealings or as the result of the presence of such advertisers on the Service, including any private face-to-face or phone work that takes place between members and Inner Bonding facilitators. The Inner Bonding processes contained on this Web site are provided for educational purposes only. The Inner Bonding process is not intended to substitute for medical, psychological or other professional services. For medical and psychological diagnosing, prescribing and treatment, you agree to consult a licensed professional.You agree that IB, the Inner Bonding authors and facilitators, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any alleged loss or damage alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the Inner Bonding information or processes contained within. 15. LINKS The Service may provide, or third parties may provide, links to other World Wide Web sites or resources. Because IB has no control over such sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that IB is not responsible for the availability of such external sites or resources, and does not endorse and is not responsible or liable for any Content, advertising, products, or other materials on or available from such sites or resources. You further acknowledge and agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such Content, goods or services available on or through any such site or resource. 16. IB'S PROPRIETARY RIGHTS You acknowledge and agree that the Service and any necessary software used in connection with the Service ("Software") contain proprietary and confidential information that is protected by applicable intellectual property and other laws. You further acknowledge and agree that Content contained in interactions with facilitators or information presented to you through the Service or facilitators is protected by copyrights, trademarks, service marks, patents or other proprietary rights and laws. Except as expressly authorized by IB or facilitators, you agree not to modify, rent, lease, loan, sell, distribute or create derivative works based on the Service or the Software, in whole or in part. IB grants you a personal, non-transferable and non-exclusive right and license to use the object code of its Software on a single computer; provided that you do not (and do not allow any third party to) copy, modify, create a derivative work of, reverse engineer, reverse assemble or otherwise attempt to discover any source code, sell, assign, sublicense, grant a security interest in or otherwise transfer any right in the Software. You agree not to modify the Software in any manner or form, or to use modified versions of the Software, including (without limitation) for the purpose of obtaining unauthorized access to the Service. You agree not to access the Service by any means other than through the interface that is provided by IB for use in accessing the Service. 17. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT: a. YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. IB EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. b. IB MAKES NO WARRANTY THAT (i) THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, (ii) THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, (iii) THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE USE OF THE SERVICE WILL BE ACCURATE OR RELIABLE, (iv) THE QUALITY OF ANY PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, OR OTHER MATERIAL PURCHASED OR OBTAINED BY YOU THROUGH THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS, AND (V) ANY ERRORS IN THE SOFTWARE WILL BE CORRECTED. c. ANY MATERIAL DOWNLOADED OR OTHERWISE OBTAINED THROUGH THE USE OF THE SERVICE IS DONE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND RISK AND THAT YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM OR LOSS OF DATA THAT RESULTS FROM THE DOWNLOAD OF ANY SUCH MATERIAL. d. NO ADVICE OR INFORMATION, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, OBTAINED BY YOU FROM IB OR THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE SHALL CREATE ANY WARRANTY NOT EXPRESSLY STATED IN THE TOS. 18. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT IB SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES (EVEN IF IB HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES), RESULTING FROM: (i) THE USE OR THE INABILITY TO USE THE SERVICE; (ii) THE COST OF PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS AND SERVICES RESULTING FROM ANY GOODS, DATA, INFORMATION OR SERVICES PURCHASED OR OBTAINED OR MESSAGES RECEIVED OR TRANSACTIONS ENTERED INTO THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE; (iii) UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA; (iv) STATEMENTS OR CONDUCT OF ANY THIRD PARTY ON THE SERVICE; OR (v) ANY OTHER MATTER RELATING TO THE SERVICE. 19. EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF CERTAIN WARRANTIES OR THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. ACCORDINGLY, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS OF SECTIONS 17 AND 18 MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. 20. SPECIAL ADMONITION FOR SERVICES RELATING TO FINANCIAL MATTERS If you intend to create or join any service, receive or request any news, messages, alerts or other information from the Service concerning companies, stock quotes, investments or securities, please read the above Sections 17 and 18 again. They go doubly for you. In addition, for this type of information particularly, the phrase "Let the investor beware" is apt. The Service is provided for informational purposes only, and no Content included in the Service is intended for trading or investing purposes. IB and its licensors shall not be responsible or liable for the accuracy, usefulness or availability of any information transmitted or made available via the Service, and shall not be responsible or liable for any trading or investment decisions made based on such information. 21. NOTICE Notices to you may be made via either email or regular mail. The Service may also provide notices of changes to the TOS or other matters by displaying notices or links to notices to you generally on the Service. 22. TRADEMARK INFORMATION IB, the Inner Bonding logo, SelfQuest, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies trademarks and service marks, and other IB logos and product and service names are trademarks of Inner Bonding Educational Technologies Inc. (the "Inner Bonding Marks"). Without Inner Bonding's prior permission, you agree not to display or use in any manner, the Inner Bonding Marks. 23. COPYRIGHTS and COPYRIGHT AGENTS IB respects the intellectual property of others, and we ask our users to do the same. If you believe that your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, or your intellectual property rights have been otherwise violated, please provide IB's Copyright Agent the following information: 1. an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright or other intellectual property interest; 2. a description of the copyrighted work or other intellectual property that you claim has been infringed; 3. a description of where the material that you claim is infringing is located on the site; 4. your address, telephone number, and email address; 5. a statement by you that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law; 6. a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in your Notice is accurate and that you are the copyright or intellectual property owner or authorized to act on the copyright or intellectual property owner's behalf. IB's Agent for Notice of claims of copyright or other intellectual property infringement can be reached as follows: By mail: Copyright Agent c/o Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc. PMB #42, 2531 Sawtelle Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90064-3124 By phone: (310) 459-1700 By Fax: (310) 459-1727 By email: innerbonding@innerbonding.com 24. GENERAL INFORMATION The TOS constitute the entire agreement between you and IB and govern your use of the Service, superceding any prior agreements between you and IB. You also may be subject to additional terms and conditions that may apply when you use affiliate services, third-party content or third-party software. The TOS and the relationship between you and IB shall be governed by the laws of the State of California without regard to its conflict of law provisions. You and IB agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the county of Los Angeles, California. The failure of IB to exercise or enforce any right or provision of the TOS shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. If any provision of the TOS is found by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, the parties nevertheless agree that the court should endeavor to give effect to the parties' intentions as reflected in the provision, and the other provisions of the TOS remain in full force and effect. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of or related to use of the Service or the TOS must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose or be forever barred. The section titles in the TOS are for convenience only and have no legal or contractual effect. 25. VIOLATIONS Please report any violations of the TOS to our Customer Support group. 26. CANCELLATION OF MEMBERSHIP You pay for membership monthly. We can automatically charge you for each month, if that is what you want. There is no cancellation or refund of your money for that month. You can choose not to renew, but you cannot cancel for a refund. I agree with the terms of the Inner Bonding Village user agreement

Question
i have recently chosen to end a 20 year relationship in order to face my dependency on men. i'm doing innerbonding however i'm spiraling out of control. i would get help but i'm thousands of dollars in debt (a secondary addiction). my problem is comforting my little girl during the painful times, it's not helping and i'm becoming very desperate. the breakup feels too painful to bare and the pain is so overwhelming. i try to discover the false beliefs and seek the truth but the innerchild keeps screaming in pain, and mostly feels empty and rejected. my ex rejected that screaming child, he didn't reject me. but i don't know what else to do. i wanted things to work with him but my wounded self got in the way. is there anything else i could do? i've hit bottom and i don't know if i'm going to survive. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/13/09
I've been Inner Bonding for about a year and a half and am still struggling with my food/sugar addiction. At night, when I am tempted to binge, I try to stop and pause and ask myself what I am feeling that is causing me to want to eat candy, ice cream, cake, and anything else sweet I can find. I can't tell what it is; I don't feel consciously sad or lonely then, although I know I am having those feelings in general due to false beliefs and some current life circumstances. How can we want the feeling of being filled up and then hate ourselves when we overeat and feel bloated and exhausted? When I stop and ask myself what I need, nothing comes to me -- I can't tell what it is I'm looking for. What should I do for myself in these moments that will help me to feel truly better, connected with myself? Do you promote programs like OA or FAA? I'm not sure that complete abstinence from certain foods and weighing and measuring everything is good -- it seems obsessive on the other end. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/12/09
I have a friend who I can only characterize as narcissistic. He is very charismatic and charming and most people tend to gravitate towards his personality. However, I have known him for a while and have noticed that this "acceptance" is a cover for deeper insecurities. He is 43 and dating an attractive 26 year old female. He has mentioned to me on numerous times that she is emotionally immature (to his level) and he is trying to "mold" her into "his" lifestyle. I work with him and although we get along, he takes credit for my work and persistently minimizes the importance and contribution of others while amplifying his own to bolster his own importance and worth. I have opted to not engage in his glorification and have removed myself from situations in which he is clearly using me (and others) to exalt himself. I have approached him regarding this matter only to get lambasted with a series of criticisms and accusations. How do you deal with people with NPD and controlling behavior? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/11/09
I'm not sure which category this belongs in--addictions or relationships--but since I believe my husband's recent behavior is about relapse, I chose this one. We have been married for 27 years (we're 54). I have been sober in recovery for 23 years. He has been in recovery 23 years but has had only 2 continuous periods of sobriety; once for 8 years and most recently 11 years. When he relapsed after 8 years, he had an affair. I took him back. Now he has relapsed again and is involved with another woman. He told me 6 weeks ago that he was unhappy and involved with her. I told him to leave and he moved in with her. We're currently in the process of divorce. The issue is my anger. I cannot seem to let it go. I am just so angry and seem to obsess about him and the woman and my financial loss (he has his own business and it is fairly successful) and her stepping in and gaining benefit of what we've worked so hard to accumulate. Can you suggest how to let go and try to find peace? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/05/09
From a health perspective, I am addicted to coffee, but now have been able to get down to 1 cup per day. Is coffee a toxic substance or are there actually antioxidants to make your body better? I have been reading conflicting views and would like to know the truth. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/12/09
Last night I indulged in one of my favorite addictions, which is having casual sex with an acquaintance or "f-buddy." This morning, I have such a feeling of relaxation, calm, and well being. It is like I took (or he gave?) his energy to me, and I can still feel it electrifying my body, ALL over my body. It feels SO good. How can I figure out what I am not giving to myself that is causing me to act out? How can I figure out how I can create this feeling of calm and well being without having to involve someone else in a sexual encounter, and acting out addictively? Am I asking the right questions? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/11/09
My sister and I have realized that our father was a sex addict in his twenties to forties. He talked and thought about sex constantly, ogled women, told dirty jokes, confided his sexual fantasies and what he liked when he saw it to us when we were little girls, got fired for sexual harassment twice, and had several affairs, for which my mother eventually divorced him. Now, nearly 70, he is very much a prude and turns off the tv if there is much nudity, though he still loves dirty jokes. He told his second wife about 7 years ago that he was done with sex because the two of them, old and fat, were like two pigs f____. She was very hurt and left him briefly. He is getting more and more conservative, even though he encouraged us to take stands and face risks for being ultra liberal when we were children. We are trying to understand what may be going on. Has he renounced his former resistance, perhaps? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/23/09
This is a follow up to my question about being addicted to an unhealthy person. There is a rebellious part, a resistant part, that says "You just don't want me to be with him because he is fun. You are ALWAYS trying to spoil my fun. If I walk away, I will be missing out on something. Everybody else does it, parties, has fun, and they are fine. Live a little on the edge! Innerbonding is boring. Innerbonding is following the rules. Inner bonding is being controlled and doing what I 'have' to do, doing what someone else tells you that you 'should' do. Can you give me some guidance for dialog that would help me explore/heal these false beliefs? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/04/09
This is my experience: I found myself liking this guy and became addicted to him. The more time I spend with him, the more I think I DON'T like him or his character. The thing is, I still want to spend time with him. I keep thinking if he was really bad for me, I wouldn't want to spend time with him, so the fact that I do want to spend time means he is ok. Now I am scared if I keep waiting for myself to stop wanting to be with him, something really bad will happen. Is it possible to become addicted to something, like it at first, but then dislike it, and STILL be addicted to it? Thank you for answering my question. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/04/09
I have had an off/on relationship with someone who has drinking issues. AS I've grown spiritually, I recognize that I want a more intimate connection with my relationships. Although he has stopped drinking close to a year,and feels he is waking up to reality, he has distanced himself from me and can be irritable. He has opened up about his upbringing and abandonment by both is parents so while he is more open and vulnerable he also is distant. He knows he boxes himself in, says has to because I might hurt him and has to keep his distance. At first I sensed alot of lonelines in myself but the next day I was ok. I just felt extremely sad as I've known him many years. I'm very aware these are his issues, not mine. Are his feelings coming to the surface since he's stopped drinking and is facing them? He did say he has no interest in going back to drinking and wants to see a counselor which he's always balked at before. how can I help him and not lose myself ? Read the answer by Dr. Erika - 03/24/09
i'm in a relationship with someone who sometimes operates from an LA place, but who also has sides which seem very split off from his LA. he indulges an addiction which keeps him unavailable alot of the time. if i interrupt him during these times, he becomes quickly defensive and argumentative. but if i leave him alone and work around his schedule, he is a good companion. i am curious about the relationship between the LA and addictions. it seems that after the person gets their fix that they are then often able to behave in a way that seems like the LA. is it? could you comment on this dynamic? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 03/22/09
The past few nights I have had a great deal of anxiety and insomnia due to being challenged to do some new things and speak in a direct way to people. I notice when I have to do anything new, my body gets completely full of anxiety, I addictively obsess/worry and even if I try to have compassion and talk to my anxious inner kids and tell them they don't have to do it right, it feels like throwing a pebble on top of a roaring lion! I have fear of my anxiety because it seems to have a life of it's own and it's difficult to calm down once it begins. How do I work with the fact that I HATE how the anxiety feels in body and it seems overwhelming? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 02/26/09
I've been doing well with treating myself lovingly around food, but last night I blew it and am furious with myself. My husband and daughter were out last evening, and I stuffed myself with sugar. Now I feel I have three people talking to me -- my little kid who is angry and telling me I've made her feel sick; the teenage me telling me she deserves all the sugar and anything else because I never do anything good for her -- and my Core Self telling me she understands I have good reasons for wanting to eat the sugar but that she is sad because I acted out addictively. I'm having a hard time sorting all this out! I know very well that sugar is unhealthy and makes me feel bad, and yet I did it. I'm trying not to judge, but that is difficult after what I did. I want to have compassion for myself but firmness to be able to say no, I can't allow this. How do I get a balance here? I know I need to trust my Guidance for the truth but have trouble connecting when the sugar cravings come. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 02/08/09
I am very addicted to sugar, fatty and salty foods, to fast foods like McDonalds, etc. I'm having a hard time relating the food addiction to protecting against pain. I know I have a "problem," but I imagine, what if I ate no junk food? There couldn't be any pain to find. What could I be in pain about? I guess I am afraid of what I will find. Maybe it's just so automatic... Sometimes I wish I didn't have to eat, that I could just plug an IV into my arm and NOT THINK ABOUT EATING AT ALL. One part of me really "wants" to lose weight. Mostly, I think, to "control" my looks and "get someone" to be attracted to me. I feel that no man will be attracted to me at my current weight. Yet, I continue to not exercise, and eat poorly. I can't seem to break the cycle. I feel guilty and like I have no moral fiber, a glutton w/ no willpower, who doesn't want to try, and deserves to be despised, for being a hypocrite. I feel like a whiner that should just do something or shut up. Your advice? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/06/09
How do we take care of ourselves when our Core Self lets us know that we have not one addiction, but many? My over indulgence in sweets during Christmas has brought up awareness of many other things I am doing to "fill the hole" that only God can fill -- eating, spending on some unnecessary things, drinking cup after cup of coffee, avoiding tasks that need to be done for our well-being, etc. So many things. It's making me sad to see all these things, but I know I need to be aware of them in order to make changes. How does one cope with this? By being compassionate to our WS but also firm? Also, the advice about the "happy song" seems good, but I'm wondering if I do that when pain comes up from my WS, am I avoiding feeling that pain by singing? I don't quite understand. I don't want to allow my WS to take me down, as she she often wants to do, but I don't want to avoid feeling. Can you clarify this for me? Thanks for all your help and care. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/04/09
Does the saying the darkest hour is just before the dawn hold truth? Is it natural for the wounded self to fight hard when we try to change causing an increased intensity and agitation of old patterns and beliefs? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/02/09
It is just dawning on me now that I am in a pattern of behavior that has control at its core. I have controlled my weight for decades, becoming too thin due to the deep seated belief that I will be unloved and outcast if fat. This was always taught to us in childhood. Controlling my weight gives me a false sense of having control over my chaotic life, too. Then, I go to the other end to fill my loneliness by eating a dozen cookies at a time or sugar out of the bag until I'm sick. I have been tempted to purge but have never done so and counter this behavior by eating salad during the day and keeping my other food consumption "under control" and running for exercise. It's the control thing that I am beginning to understand is at the heart of all this. I need to explore my feelings and want to let go of this sick fear of being fat. Can I love myself healthy? I don't want self love to hinge on what I look like, but I want to love myself enough to feel and look healthy and fit. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 12/29/08
Merry Christmas! As I progress slowly in recovery and practicing IB, I find my food addiction is rearing its ugly head. It is much like the drinking I used to do. I tell myself during the day that I won't stuff myself with sugar after dinner, and then next thing I know, it's after dinner and I almost feel as if I'm coming out of a blackout; I've eaten 10 cookies, or a combination of other sweets until my stomach is miserable and I feel exhausted and awful. During the day, I listen as my Child asks me not to do this tonight, then I come out of the sugar blackout and realize I've done it again. It's almost as if I stop thinking and reasoning when I'm shoveling the sugar in. One funny thing is that I'm slender, because I keep iron control over my weight because I'm terrified of being fat and thus unloved (this is what we were always taught). And yet, the sugar has me by the throat. What can I do to pause between the urge and the action, to stop and take better care of myself? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 12/25/08
I find myself quite addicted to judging people around me who annoy me or who appear to be unhappy. The judging often leads to me speculating about what they are doing wrong, and leads to me imagining what they might do to solve their problems. I investigated why I might be so stuck on doing this. One thing that came up is that when I suspend the judgment, I just feel so sorry for them. I can't stand this feeling of what I hesitate to call real empathy. i really don't know what to do with the sadness. Writing people off seems so much simpler. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 12/21/08
Hi, I am a 37yr old women who is married to someone who i would never advise anyone to date and I cant seem to accept it, enjoy it or get out of it. Ive been reading through this wonderful site and I keep hearing about INTENTION how do I change my intention from controlling to loving myself and others. I consider myself to be a good person who treats others well but i just cant seem to do that for myself. please help me I dont want to start another year like this. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 12/18/08
Hello; I have always been plagued by addictions; at first, it was cigarettes, booze, and marijuana. It was a long journey to get rid of these, but they are gone. Now I seem to have morphed into food addiction and thrill addiction (stock market). IB has been great, but I yearn for those moments of clarity- they seem so rare. Charlie Peck, aka poetryman99 Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 12/18/08
Hello I am 50 years old, an administrator, widowed for 10 years, with 2 teenage kids, and am having a very hard time being single. I find myself joining dating sites like Cupid, or Match, just longing for male companionship and love, as if that were the only thing that mattered. I have a hard time believing my life is full and rich just the way it is. I have been celibate for the last 10 years, do not believe in sex outside of marriage, have had no successful relationship for more than a few months at a time - all long distance. I feel such a void without a man, want one sooo badly, am always unhappy, always searching, always waiting, unable to be in the moment. What can I do to be happy with my life just as it is. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 11/24/08
Someone I have been dating recently admitted to me that he spends around fifty hours a week playing an online game. I knew that he played alot, but I was shocked at this figure. But he also says that at this point in his life this is what he wants to do. His thinking is that at least it's not as destructive a habit as say, drinking, or internet porn. Part of my desire that he curb his addiction comes from my wish to have more time with him. I haven't expressed this directly, for fear of being 'pushy'. If he shows no signs of wishing to curb his habit, would I do best to cut my losses and focus on spending quality time with myself, or perhaps finding someone who is more available? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 11/14/08
I think I am reaching some kind of "bottom" with my addiction to sugar. I've been practicing IB for almost a year and am so grateful for it, but it seems as I move closer to healing that my Wounded Self becomes more and more afraid of losing control, and I am filling myself with sugar after dinner. My twin sister was married last Saturday, and I ate 5 pieces of wedding cake that day & evening. I've been on Weight Watchers and am at my goal weight and happy with that, but I'm eating enough sugar to make myself feel sick several nights a week. The problem seems to be that I can't figure out what I'm feeling when I do this; I keep asking my Child Within what's going on, and I can't get an answer -- I can't feel whatever it is that's stuck in there. I try to have compassion for that One who wants and eats the sugar rather than shaming her, but I'm not doing it somehow, because I continue consuming and not pinpointing what she is/I am feeling. Any insight? Many thanks. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 11/05/08
I don't know how to stop the addiction to hating, blaming, and judging myself. I feel trapped. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 10/20/08
Today I feel tired of trying to work it all out for myself and want to ask - why do I keep being unfaithful to my loving husband? I love him and he takes really good care of me, I have no desire to leave him or end our marriage, and yet I keep 'finding myself' flirting with other men and eventually having affairs. It takes up so much energy, and I battle with myself almost non-stop about it. I'm exhausted and feel I have no more resources to 'fix myself'. And yet I can't just let it be okay, because it's not okay behaviour. Feeling really lost. Read the answer by Dr.Erika - 09/28/08
In a recent IB process, the subject of alcohol came up from my IC. I had engaged in risky behavior the last couple of times I drank and she is feeling unsafe. I realize that I have not been listening to how unsafe she feels when I drink. This has been a whisper for a long time and now a scream. My guidance was not to start and I would not even have to think about when to stop. I have decided to seek help, but there is a part of me that wonders if my intent is closed and not open - am I trying to control, and if so, who? I wonder if I am getting help to combat the shame my IC feels after a night of drinking. Or is my WS making me self-doubt? What do you think? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 09/16/08
Based on Today's inspiration. Some psychologists prescribe depression medications for depressed persons. Do these medications lower the frequency? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/19/08
I guess I should categorize this an addictive behaviour. I keep wanting to "keep up with the Jones." Nearly all members of my family make a lot more money than I do, and have for many many years, for example. Some acquaintances have tons of money. I realize that it's common behaviour, that we all want to keep up with the Jones at least sometimes. I watched a documentary, a country was the happiest--and one major factor was that everyone was "the same" with respect to income, possessions, etc. But I'd like to stop comparing myself with others I know or associate with, and start focusing on my own life, which is abundant as it is. It's so destructive for me when I compare myself with my siblings and parents, etc. Natty Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/24/08
I have just been reading one of your articles about self-medicating. I am still struggling with my self care - I get my head clear and eat better for two or three days and then I am back to bad habits again - drinking caffeine that gives me headaches and makes me tired etc.... I realise that if I am doing this I am not willing to take responsibility for my feelings and try to avoid them by self-medicating addictive behaviours. Clearly the action here is not to start judging myself for this but to be aware and to uncover why I am more devoted to avoiding my feelings rather than taking responsibility for them? Thanks for your article. love Debbie Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/10/08
1 2 3

A Testimonial

"An excellent tool for breaking the pattern and destructiveness of addiction. In a 5-day period, Inner Bonding helped to heal the wounds that my 17+ years of 12-step recovery haven't reached. There is surely more healing to be done, but I am so hopeful. The process is very thorough. It really works. You'll be so grateful to have tried it." Davison, MI - September 2000

Melanie Morris Sawyer,Land Manager
Denver,Colorado
303/751-5817
melanieDELETE_HERE@morris-sawyer.com