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39 QUESTION(S)
Question
Dear Dr. Margaret, This is a follow-up question; thanks for your help the other day. The problem is that I was congratulating myself for actually feeling my pain and being able to cry, then I found from you that I had collapsed into the pain and not provided a Loving Adult to my Child. Does that mean I was not in the intent to learn? I've been angry with myself now and telling myself I'm selfish for not being the Loving Adult my Child needs and that I'll never be. In my heart, I know that this is not true. Perhaps I need to go back and pray for the willingness to learn rather than wanting to "fix" to rid myself of the pain? I'm very confused and feel stuck. Please help. In my dialogue tonight, my Child told me she wants sugar so she can stop thinking and ruminating about what a failure she has been and will always be. I asked Guidance for truth, and He says she has not failed, but survived long enough to learn and heal. I still feel skeptical. What is the loving action?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I am deeply bothered and disturbed by the incident that happened in Austria about a father who sexually abused his daughter since 11 years old, kept her in a cellar since age 18 and fathered her 7 children. I cried when I saw this on the news. I pity the poor girl who have to endure 30 years of suffering and her children who never saw sunlight. What a lot of courage this woman had and I hope she still have some sanity left. All I can do is feel the sadness and grieve this situation. I am just wondering if she is destined to endure this? Until now, I still feel sad about her situation and the poor girl is helpless, alone inside the cellar. Am I right in feeling this way?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Dear Dr. Margaret, I sat down a few minutes ago to dialogue with my Inner Child, and I looked first at one of your wonderful books. I thought I would try something suggested there and just hold my Inner Child for a bit (using my doll), imagining her in a very painful situation from the past. Right away I was back as an 8-year-old, watching my father drive away after giving my sister and me up to our (abusive) grandparents. It was one of the worst moments of my life; I had a feeling he wasn't coming back, and he didn't for a long time. I started to sob holding my doll, but I was trying to comfort the Child at the same time. How can I feel the feelings of the wounded one and be a Loving Adult at the same time? This is the first time, for decades, maybe ever, that I have cried over this past incident, even in years and years of therapy. I really want to learn and help my Child heal. How do I be the Loving Adult? Thank you so very much.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Help! I'm back at work today after the intensive last week, and I am feeling so much anxiety. I want to fix this. I know its mine to fix, but I can't seem to move into that true intent to learn what is up. I think I keep telling myself I already know, now just fix it. So I am having trouble having compassion for myself through this process. I feel stuck at step 2. Can somebody please help?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Hello, Is it ever okay to 'give in' to your wounded self? Is this the same as knowing one's limitations? The reason I'm asking is because whenever i do 'give in' I feel inadequate afterwards because I really want to get myself sorted. I don't mind so much as when I 'give in' to my True Self because she knows that I'm not perfect. And the overall reason that I'm asking in the first place is because I really feel the need for permission from someone of authority (ie the people involved in Inner Bonding) to tell me that it's not so bad to give in to our wounded selves sometimes, it all depends on the consequences of our actions.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Dear Friends, I am still "stuck" in trying to begin to develop my Loving Adult. I am having great difficulty feeling loving towards a child that is always angry, blaming, and very, very needy. And, to top it off, I have been getting really angry at my dog lately. Many years ago, a former therapist told me that one's relationship with his/her dog (or other animal companion) is reflective of one's relationship with self. Is this true, do you think? My dog has just turned 9 and is more demanding of attention and needy than ever. He is about 65 pounds and is constantly under my feet wherever I go in the house, even if it is just to follow me to the washer and dryer! I've yelled at him a couple of times this week and even wished that he'd just go away. I've told myself I want a more independent breed of dog! It seems strange that just as I'm trying to develop the Loving Adult, my Child Within and my dog need more from me than ever. How to warm & open to this, and be kinder?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Is it really true that if one feels their emotions, that the emotions really heal? I have a hard time believing that the anger and resentment that I feel about my childhood will ever really go away completely. Or the anger might be more a protection against feeling the sadness and loss.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
If I was going to invest in one of the cd's or dvd's and I don't have the 200 for the intensive dvd which other one would you recommend to be of most help and influential for over coming fears and addictions with thoughts, activities? Thank you.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I find the Inner Bonding Process pretty simple and easy going. My challenge with the process is not being able to get in touch with the gut wrenching, doubled over depth of emotion that is instilled in the WC/WA as well as the LA .... Any ideas would be wonderful ... I have no doubt that is why I feel stuck and unable to release the emotions from the core of my inner belly which is where it sits. I feel like the emotional being is non-existent in me.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I like to work with a facilitator. But I am in such a location in India that he/she has to make a call to me. Is it possible? I can definitely pay not only what he/she charges but also the telephoning expenses.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Dear Dr. M I would like to go to an intensive. However, it is messy with whether I deserve to go or not. When I ask myself, " what is my intent here? " I come up with this stuff of " if you can't do this by now, what good is an intensive? You are just full of crap and all you think of is yourself." It is scary to step out and say, this is what I would like to do, how can I make it ok, when dealing with reactions from husband and kids? How can I deal with this? I want there to be a chance that I could sign up for the June one. Thank You!!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
For participating in hosted chat, do I need to download yahoo messenger or msn messenger?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
What if you don't feel anything. I've been trying to feel, but I have no feelings. Everything is fuzzy. Will innerbonding work for me?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Hello!! I just have a suggestion. Many people have suggested being IB pals or pen pals. What if there was a way to access all people open to receiving email in this way, in maybe the comfort corner? Like as in Comforting IB pals?-to differentiate those from others who may not want to be contacted from their profiles. Thanks!! Jennifer
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Further to my question about having memories come up from a very young age, how can you tell if the memories are real? Maybe I'm just making them up to cover up something I don't want to face about myself. Or to avoid another more accessible but painful memory.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Is it possible to have memories - in the forms of images, and feelings and sensations in the body - from a very young age, say baby or toddlerhood?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Can you please tell me where to find the article written by Dr Margaret on "meditation"? Ann
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Hello Margaret I still can't watch the videos apart from Sharon's. The rest come up with the blue Q quicktime symbol but when I double click them they don't open up, whereas Sharon's appears with her picture and then a bar at the bottom of the picture where you can click play.... so don't know what is going on here. I tried it at work to see if it was something to do with me having a Mac but it doesn't seem to work on my PC either.... Debbie
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
How does one submit a personal article or writing?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Hi I have just clicked on the 'Watch the Process' after seeing that you have uploaded six videos now onto the site but the only one I can actually watch is Sharon's. For the other ones the Quicktime symbol comes up but it doesn't work and I can't download it. Have they all been loaded up?? Thanks Debbie
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
As I continue to walk this journey and go deeper with my inner child and wounded child, I feel like after a session that was pretty intense I come away with some physical memories/physical sensation, body memories such as severe nausea, throbbing headache, ears ringing, burning sensation around the lower back and neck, shakey, and overwhelming sense of peace and rest because I have allowed to put a voice to the the agony. Then my evil spirits appear as if in revenge for letting out the secrets of my mortified childhood experiences that were so intense and so non stop for recooping in between horrible beatings and terror by adopted parents and adopted brothers. I often hid not knowing where the next blow was going to come from. What can I do to comfort the physical body memories and sensations?
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Resistance ... I personally find myself in a battle of resistance on this journey. Resisting in deeply trusting, Resistance due to fear, Resistance to the unknown, Resistance due to financial challenges, Resistance in my lack of self confidence that I will ever be just OK ... This resistance some days keeps me stuck to a point I feel paralyzed and very indecisive. There are times when this resistance fest to my core being I find myself doubled over moaning as if I have been harmed. I am learning to love myself and care for my inner child as well as the adult person after a life time of HELL. There are many days I question my spirit how did I survive all that trauma? Any suggestions about how to conquer and defeat that fight of resistance when I am see the healing avenues of this journey? Thanks
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Hi-I was just wondering when on the online chat page, the avatars can be seen and the people are not there, what's the reason behind that? That they are not paying attention, on a different screen or choosing not to respond? I wish we could somehow have IB meetings, or unhosted chats maybe? Or meetings with a theme to help people focus? Just a place for people to connect with one another- a virtual campfire!
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I received feedback from my 2nd post that stated I was blaming and feeling like a victim. If I acknowledge that I'm taking responsibility for my feelings and merely stating what happened, how is that about blaming or victimization? My feelings are more about disappointment and deep sadness. Can you help me to understand? It would clarify quite a bit for me to understand what may be a miscommunication. Thank you, Lovey
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Where's my post. After my initial introduction as a newbie, my follow-up post hasn't shown up. Has it been moved? Thanks, Lovey
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How does one give up wanting control over something that has attached itself to one's life?
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Do you ever post transcripts of the hosted chats?
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I have read as much as I can about IB. I have also ordered a book. I feel that my difficulties are so deeply entrenched and powerful for me that I cannot "self help" myself out of this, no matter how well informed I am. No one in the UK practices IB to my knowledge. Is there anywhere or any way I can get one to one support with this. I have always known that I had a child screaming inside me!
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Hi - It's 9pm EST or 18:00 hours or 6pm PST. The hosted chat is supposed to begin. But when I go to the chatroom, it says the event is over and says that the time is 19:00 hours. How does this time thing work? Is this a daylight savings time problem? Please let me know...I'd like to attend one of these chats on time one day soon!!! *smile* Jan
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How do you know the right age of the inner child? The reason I ask is that my mother died when I was 10 years old and after that everything went wrong. But I have a very hard time even thinking about that 10 year old, like an aversion. I want to imagine someone younger. Is that ok?
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"Since starting the Inner Bonding program, I regularly find myself believing 'It would be impossible for my life to keep getting better, yet it keeps getting better!'. The 5-Day Intensive only served to amplify, deepen and normalize this experience! Being with others going through this process was both liberating and supportive. I couldn't have integrated the practice and process as quickly and deeply any other way. Thank you Inner Bonding!!!" Santa Fe Intensive, 4/06

David Squire,Therapist, LCSW
San Diego,California
(619) 549-2963
davidDELETE_HERE@ccscoach.com

 

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