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537 QUESTION(S)
Question
I seem to be developing a phobia about being alone in my second home. As soon as it starts getting dark, I get nervous, oversensitive, and full of frightening fantasies. I've discovered that my IC feels that I ALWAYS push her into situations that frighten her and expect her to buck up. I don't feel foolish for being nervous after dark in an unfamiliar place that is isolated both geographically and electronically, but I guess I do expect myself to just not succumb, to be above that, to be smarter than that. This is apparently hurtful to my IC. But the sheer panic seems overboard. I am wondering if my WS is trying to scare me so I know what it feels like? Getting to the bottom of what I am telling myself and why I find it so hard to eliminate those lies is taking forever. Meanwhile, I can barely face being there after dark. What are some loving things I can do for my scared little girl?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/02/09
What is the difference between 'lovingly disengaging' from another person and 'withdrawing' from another person? I am trying to figure out how to deal with persons who interact with me with their WS.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/01/09
what is the difference between emotionally detaching oneself from a situation vs. withdrawing?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/01/09
Someone referred me to inner bonding. In the last two months i quit smoking, it was my one true friend that went through everything with me. Now that i quit i feel depressed and i'm harder on myself because i just want to feel normal again. I have developed fears like being stuck in traffic and try to avoid it and i stay home alot. I'm bored. i have tried one session with a facilitator and see feel like i can't grab a connection with my spiritual guidance. My question is do i practice inner bonding everyday until i get something out of it, how do i handle my fears without my smokes i feel lost.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/01/09
My mother has lived with me and my partner for the last three years. She is 89 years old and is suffering from early to moderate dementia. At this point most of the tasks of daily living must be performed by me or my partner. I work full-time. It is often difficult to have loving feelings toward her because I am stressed over the everyday caregiving tasks and her increasing inability to perform even the most simplest of them. I want to be loving to myself, and thus to her, which I don't feel that I am being at this point. I am stuck in my inability to make the decision to find more suitable living arrangements for her - like assisted living or a nursing home. Complicating the situation is that I have had to open and examine the behavior which caused much of my growing-up wounds. I feel like I am "between a rock and a hard place"- "damned if I do and damned if I don't". How should I be thinking about this situation and how can I move toward resolution - one way or the other?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/29/09
last thursday when i came home from work and heard the news about michael jackson it seemed to have triggered my abandonment issues and my fears and anxieties about losing someone i love. most of what i was feeling was a sense of pity towards the singer because i can relate to his loneliness and feelings of just wanting to be loved. it triggered a fear in me that i could live my life like him and not get closure or healing of my wounds, because to me that's what hurt me the most when i heard he passed away, that he died never healing those wounds and never finally getting that love that was missing for so long. i felt like i wish i could have reached out and hugged him and shown him some compassion. i guess it just really tapped into my own needs for love and attention that i'm still struggling with. just as with this story, i felt similarly when princess diana died. why do i feel the need to dwell on this so much and to feel such empathy and regret for these people?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/29/09
I'm currently working in an environment that is comprised of negative coworkers. They talk behind others' backs, backstab, complain, and single out targeted coworkers to do their mean things to. If they don't like you as a worker, they find ways to weed you out. The mean ones seem to be the seniority in the workplace and have pull with management. The manager doesn't seem to do much about it when concerns about the negativity are brought to her attention. Do you have any articles that addresses negativity in the work environment? How are you able to apply innerbonding in this case? I know I personally hate working there, but I would like to know how to be positive in the situation or learn how to tolerate it since I need to stay. Any advice you could provide would be appreciated...
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/29/09
I am not dating right now and since I just recently left a hard marriage I am certain this is good for me. I am not interested in hanging out at bars or internet dating. I might be someday but right now time on my own has felt great.But I am still attracted to one person who isn't available. I realize that because I saw him for the first time in a few weeks and when I did I was so thrilled. I actually don't think about him that much. I've been really focused on learning how to manage my house and my finances on my own but if I do think about him - if I tell my myself that "I don't really want him, or I cannot have him" I start to feel a sense of disconnect. So I find that if I say "I don't know what's going to happen but I know that you like him and that's okay - I feel a sense of peace return." In fact, if I give myself permission to like him then I actually think about him less. What are your thoughts?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/28/09
I am finding that between some innerbonding work that I have been doing in facilitation, the transition of my children being out of school for the Summer and being in school full time, my WS has bloomed. Many of my addictive patterns are rearing their ugly heads again. Usually spending time alone combats issues that are raised by my WS but I am finding alone time very difficult to find. While I am trying to ask my little girl what she wants I am still struggling. Do you have any suggestions?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/28/09
My friends boyfriend just died on tuesday..i feel bad..but I don't know how to comfort her loss? Can I please have ur advice on how to best comfort her from my heart...not head lol..thanks!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/27/09
I am trying not to get overwhelmed by feelings of victimization and rage and betrayal. I am in the middle of some business stuff that is leftover from my marriage to a malignant narcissist. My accountant is allying himself with my ex. This has extreme financial repercussions for me. I have to complete the work yet my mind gets overtaken by my strong feelings. I know these feelings are destructive, they are certainly painful. I am trying to imagine other examples of extreme injustice, like the situation of black people in the southern US, in order to not feel singled out. I try to remember that I did not protect my IC by entering into this relationship in the first place but I need more help, if that is possible. How can one survive intact when there has been a lot of abuse? Sela
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/26/09
I would really like to be accountable to my IC for how angry I get for letting her down when others control my time without me saying anything. The fear of not being accepted is still greater than my desire to taking LA for myself. Any thoughts how I can start confronting this huge fear..so I can not be so angry with myself. I feel proud that I have learned to hold myself accountable and not blame others for my anger yet I am disappointed in myself for allowing me to be 2nd. thanks alot. Lori
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/25/09
I had a situation at work where a customer handed me some dvds that she said her husband found in the bathroom.She asked if she could keep them and I said,no,but thanks for turning it in..I could feel that the dvds were wet and it dawned on me that I had semen on my hands. It took so long for me to "get it".Then,I restrained my upset enough to go get someone to cover me while I went to the backroom where I talked to the supervisor.I said the register was covered and that I needed to go to the restroom,where I washed about 17 times,trying to rid myself of the revulsion and upset that I felt.It's still with me...like I can't get the dirtiness off me and I can't think of anything else other than how stupid I was and hating everyone who knows of it now.How can I get rid of this sense of disgust and revulsion?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/25/09
Jobs are scarce at the moment, however I have seen advertised with a newly opened company job roles for medical typists in pathology field. I know I can do this work, having work experience and completed study in the same field. My concern is the nature of the job, having to listen to ill health issues through headphones while transcribing the material for 8 hours a day. Do you think this would have a negative effect on my perceptions, get in to my subconscious somehow? Or that I could start attracting ill health in to my life by having listened to it for 40 hours a week? I would love to be earning more money, and it would 'take a load off', but not at the expense of my health otherwise. Thank you.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/24/09
i woke up several times last night with a similar feeling of doom and generally bad feelings. i don't know where they are coming from but in general it feels like waking up alone in a grave. then by chance i saw todays article on waking up with anxiety. i thought we're supposed to confront the false beliefs that are creating the anxiety through innerbonding but my understanding of the article is to just put the thoughts aside and focus on gratitude. so will the bad feelings just eventually go away? i tend to have many nights with this awful feeling and i just wonder where it's coming from, is it aways the wounded ego self or could it be just the wounded little child who feels scared and all alone and thinks she's going to die?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/22/09
what might be some outcomes on the development of a female who grew up with parents with reversed gender roles? For example, my mother was very masculine, the action-take, very angry, disciplinarian, hard work, distant, but also maintained the values in the home. Father was more compassionate and sensitive, but both were absent in different ways.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/21/09
I am looking for some perspective on a social situation that has upset me deeply. I am a very active member of our school's PTA. I am very visible in the community and I work alongside all of the other PTA Moms. Over the years, I have discovered by chance a number of times that the other PTA Moms are always going out to dinner, and having parties at their homes. I am never invited to any of these events. At a school event this week, right in front of me, some Moms started talking about a party to which I was not invited. When I do the 6 steps, I do find my own feelings of worth that are not dependent on being included with this group. I can't imagine that I am such an awful person to be around that I would be ostracized to this degree. But I keep getting upset over and over again. Is there an element of existential pain to this that I am not acknowledging - feelings of grief that people could be so unkind and exclusive? Or is that just my WS talking?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/20/09
A close Korean friend has offered to take me to see her traditional Korean shaman. I'm excited about the visit, but also scared. It's as though there's a part of me that is resistant to the messages that I will be given. Sometimes I feel like I am losing sight of the fact that I make choices, regardless of what information external sources might be able to give me. How can I stop being fearful and embrace this as a growth opportunity?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/20/09
I am feeling anxious. I had a list (partially coded, but could perhaps be understood by someone else), which I had in my office at work, and now I can not find it. I fear that I dropped it in the common area, and that others have read it. The list contained various issues regarding work, that I wanted to talk about in facilitation. I am having a hard time letting go worries about having that level of invasion of privacy, if my colleagues found this, and also that they know I was having some issues around them. I did not go into depth about things, but did have shorthand for various issues. I will do some IB on this, but REALLY want to control this. I want to FIND the list. Any suggestions?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/19/09
I am usually a reserved person and I don't talk much, but I want to change this...usually I can't even have a phone conversation for over a few minutes (especially when it comes to guys). I don't know if it's because I don't have anything to say or I'm just to scared to open up. when I hear about couples who can have phone conversations/ in person conversations for like three hours, i feel like why can't I do that...or what could someone possibly be talking about for three hours...I don't know what is going on with me.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/18/09
I constantly find myself looking at other people and wishing I had their good traits. I don't know if its coming from a jealous place or not...But I feel sad knowing that i wish i was this or that and I'm not. I don't know where this is coming from...Maybe because I've always wanted them....Please Help...
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/18/09
I seem to have a huge desire to change ..eg physical exercise, healthy eating..yet something seems to always trump that desire and the resistance to change gets very overwhelming and down right defiant. any thoughts thank you :) Lori Y
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/18/09
Hi I don't even know how to ask this. I am trying different avenues to make money. I have a full time job and I have 2websites but I am still not bringing in any abundance at all. I think I must have a block up that is keeping me from making money. I am not able to pay my bills so I really need some help. How can I find out if and what my blocks are towards abundance and how can I get rid of them. Thank you
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/15/09
I was wondering if you could explain the cause of flip-flopping with regard to decision making. For example having ambivalent feelings of whether to leave marriage, buy a house. One day I want to leave the marriage another day I want to stay. One day I file for divorce, two weeks later I put the divorce on hold. One day I make and offer on a house the next day I cancel the contract. Mary
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/14/09
I wanted help on fighting one weird fear. Being stuck in traffic on the highway. I'm not sure why this started. i know i went through a few traumas, how can i get over this fear using the inner bonding?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/14/09
I'm beginning to see that shame, addiction, and control are all mixed up together. How do we know sometimes when we're feeling authentic feelings rather than pain we are causing ourselves? Can it be both? I feel sad about being estranged from my husband and am working on myself, but I begin to feel like this might not work, is that authentic or projection of pain, failure, or loss? I feel ashamed that I'm eating addictively while trying to obsessively control my weight; I was always taught as a kid that the the WORST thing a woman could do would be to get overweight. I hate myself when I overeat, but I also obsess over what others will think if I don't maintain my good figure, especially my parents -- and I'm 46! I feel ashamed of having medical bills that are beyond what we can pay and I fear having bad credit or something worse happening because of it. I feel fear about my husband's serious health problems. And, I'm lonely in this marriage.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/12/09
I increasingly hear myself inwardly thinking, really intensely, 'I love you' but without really knowing who it's directed towards! I attach it to someone I might be longing for or feel attracted to, but I know in my heart that it's not about them - it's more like a non-specific yearning, longing, calling out somehow. I don't really understand it - I try and imagine my inner child and direct it towards her, but that doesn't seem to quite 'click'. Any thoughts?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/12/09
For the past two weeks, I have literally been worrying myself sick. I have always been afraid of vomiting and getting the flu but lately, I have become completely preoccupied by the fear of getting sick, losing control of my body, having to vomit, dying, feeling pain and being unable to feel well. I feel crazy. Rationally, I know that everyone gets sick sometimes and it is not the end of the world but for some reason, I am terrified whenever anyone mentions a stomach bug and I feel sick with a nervous stomach all day, everyday. I just want this worry to go away! Any thoughts you have about working with this sort of persistent terror? I don't want to live my life being scared of getting sick.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/11/09
My neighbor's son pushed my son down a hill and called him an idiot. When I asked my neighbor to speak with her son about his behavior, she got very angry with me. This argument set off intense feelings of anxiety in my IC. I have a history of being bullied. Since this incident, my husband has been taking my son to the school bus stop so that I don't encounter her. I'm telling myself that I need to face her and my fear, but my IC just starts screaming inside. I realize that I bully my IC often, and this is why she doesn't trust me to take care of her in front of this neighbor. This neighbor is moving in two weeks, and my husband thinks that I should just let him continue taking our son to the bus stop, and give IC some time to build trust in me. But I feel like I'm just reinforcing my conflict avoidant habits, and my phobias. Is it more loving to face this phobia or to not push IC into something that she is so uncomfortable doing?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/10/09
If I have a need for someone to listen to me, does that mean that I am not listening to what some part of myself is saying?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/10/09
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A Testimonial

"This book is a must read for anyone who wishes to live life with passion and joy. Margaret Paul's commitment to her own growth and desire to share this life changing process has resulted in a work which acts as both a clearly written introduction to Inner Bonding as well as a thorough and excellent resource for those who have practiced the process for any length of time. I applaud Margaret Paul's courage in frankly and compassionately discussing a subject which some may feel is controversial, others may even say blasphemous. For those who wish to criticize the author for her views so be it. For anyone willing to take a risk this book will be an excellent guide for healing past spiritual abuse, becoming reacquainted to a personal Spiritual guide and rediscovering the Divine self within."

Patricia J. Gerrish,Nurse
Madison Heights,MI

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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